After I died

4

Anastasia

"I'm not really sure where you will stay, since... well... I didn't really listen to Erwin when he told me what to do with you. But I have a second bed in room that isn't really being used at all, so I suppose you can stay there until the test."

Hanji had this habit of wildly gesturing with her hands while she was talking, she had hit me twice in the course of our conversation so far, but she seemed like a genuinly nice person and I liked being around her. Her good mood was just contagious. 

"Yeah, I believe he said something along those lines too.", I replied. "See? I wanted a roomate anyway. Eventho I need all this space for myself looking at the fact thatI have all my research in my room.", she kept rambling and rambling until I chimed in.

"Why don't you just ask for an office? I mean, if you do all this research that you've been telling me about, I'm sure it's totally valid for you to get your own office. Ain't it?" Her eyes started practically glowing as I brought that up.

"That is a great idea, I would love that. I'm sure Erwin will let me have an office of my own." Hanji started bouncing again next to me,jumping and skipping like a small child. She didn't even stop when we reached her door, it took ages for her to put the key into the lock and let us in.

Upon entering the room,she started running around, bringing stuff from one place to another, making space on the second bed. "I am so very sorry forthe mess, I just can'tseem to keep my room clean, that's why Levi never comes in here. ewould probably just fall over and die."

I nodded. "Levi was the short one, no?" "Well, you'renotmuch taller, if at all.", she chuckled."But yes, that's him." "And he's got a bit of a cleaning habit?", I asked. Hanji just nodded as she kept walking around. "You don'tmind the mess, tho, do you?"

"No, don't worry.", I lied. ack at the anchor, they'd always force us to keep our gear, belongings and rooms clean. We got punishment for the smallest misplacements of things or a wrinkle in the bed sheet. It was carved inot my mind.

It caused a little bit of an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach, seeing this mess in her room, but I'd never tell Hanji that, it was her room and I couldn't just force my cleaning habits on her. So I kept quiet.

"Alright, that should be it.", she said after fially havign freed the second bed of all the stuff. But I just kept standing by the door, I just now noticed  that all my stuff was gone, now that Trost was completely destroyed.

"Do you need something else?", Hanji asked as she noticed me stadning around. "Well uhm... I don't have anything to wear, all my stuff was in Trost and now its probably gone." "Oh, well you can have a shirt of mine if you want. And maybe a pair of shorts.", Hanji offered, already looking through her cupboard to fiind something clean for me to wear.

"That would be nice, thank you." "Here." She handed me the stuff and then got changed. I was a bit confused that she didn't say anything beforehand, like sending me outside for some privacy, but lookign at the fact that this woman had no understanding of personal space or any shame at all, it quickly accured logical to me that she wouldn't have a problem with changing in front of a stranger.

The lights were out about half an hour later. Hanji's room had the advantage of asmall bathroom which meant a shower, sink and a toilet to use without having to go to the common bathrooms with a few hundred other people.

"Good ni-ight!", Hanji said cheerfully into the darkness. I just replied a small "night" before turning over onto my side and trying to sleep. But now that everything was quiet, the events of today came crushing donw on me.

Fighting and risking my life was nothing new to me, but this was the first time fighting something this huge. Humans were one thing but those titans... Also, the image of Anya was still fresh in my mind. I'd spent 20 minutes in the shower washing all the blood and dust out of my hair. I was kind of used to this feeling but usually it wasn't the blood of someone I cared about.

It wasn't the first time I'd lost someone that I was close with but it definitely didn't happen regularly and it hadn't happened in a long time. When closing my eyes, I could see her tear strained face, could hear the cracking of her bones.

Then suddenyly... a gun shot. It was raining around me as I was sitting on a rooftop, rifle in hand, the trigger still near my finger. I know that scene. Wait! ... A sharp piercing pain, ripping through my uper body. The bullet had hit right next to my sternum, that is the spot I also always hit. That was something I only now noticed about my death when replaying it. This shot was an execution shot, I had pulled the trigger on this so many times. When the anchor questioned someone's loyalty and wanted them out of the picture, they send somene tomake this exact shot, right through the ribs, next to the sternum. The blood flowed out of my chest over my rifle and hands. I fell over onto my back, looking at the cloud floating away from in front of the stars.

I sat up straigth in my bed, staring at the wall. Looking at the clock, I saw it was 2am but I coudln't sleep anymore. The memory of the night I died and the day before so I got up to get something to drink.

"Ana? You okay? Did I wake you up?" I looked over at Hanji sitting at her desk,working on something. "No,just a bad dream, why are you up?" "I had a great idea and just needed to write it down so I can try this tomorrow." I nodded slowly.

"Do we have some water here?" "Down in the cantine, should I go with you?", Hanji asked. "No need, I'll find the way."