After For His Kindness (Shattered Pieces Series #2)

Chapter 33

Trigger warning: depression

I kept my mouth shut as I look at them. Hindi ko alam kung anong ekspersyon ang ibibigay ko sa kanila. Dapat ba masiyahan ako dahil hindi na ako mahihirapan sa pagsasabi sa kanila? O amiinis dahil pinangunahan ako ni Hera?

It's not like I am hiding this to them. Humahanap lang ako ng tamang pagkakataon at saka ayaw ko pang sabihin kasi alam kong kakaawaan nila ako. They knew what happened when my parents' and Emerald died, halos alam iyon ng lahat. The Yaez' was involve in a tragic accident and Sierra Jem is the only lucky person who was not involve, who wouldn't know about that?

They thought I was lucky, but I wasn't. Why would I be lucky if my parent and my baby sister died, and at that time, my Kuya is missing. I was devastated. I doubted everything and just want to kill myself to stop the pain.

"Jem, hija, you shouldn't do something like that."

I looked at Manang with tears fooling my eyes. Hindi ko na kaya. Isama niyo nalang po ako d'yan. Promise, I'll be good. Tatanggapin ko po lahat, basta isama niyo na ako d'yan. Please, ayoko na dito.

Sa araw-araw na gumigising ako parang unti-unti na ring nadadagdagan ang kagustuhan kong tapusin ang lahat ng ito. While having my breakfast alone, I can't help but to think about my mom who always give dad his coffee every morning and my dad's face being covered by the newspaper before we started eating. I could see how my baby Emerald giggled when Kuya tickles her tummy.

'Yung mga ngiti at tawanan sa hapagkainan bago pumasok si Daddy sa work niya at bago kami umalis ni Kuya papuntang eskwelahan, lahat 'yon, bigla nalang nawala. Nawala nalang ng isang iglap and the worst is, it is all because of me. It is because they wanted to surprise me for my seventeenth birthday.

Fuck that surprise. Hindi ko kailangan 'yun. Sila 'yung kailanagan ko dito.

I remember my last phone call with Kuya. He said he couldn't go home because he have a date with Ate Crizzy. I smiled when I heard Mom's whispers over the phone. She said, "Tell her that we are on a business trip."

Sana nga nasa business trip nalang sila, sana nga nakipagdate nalang si Kuya kay Ate Crizzy kahit sa simula pa lang alam niyang mas gusto ko si Ate Aqui para maging girlfriend niya. Kahit hindi na nila i-celebrate 'yung birthday ko. Magtatampo ako pero kahit ganoon, nandito pa rin sana sila hanggang ngayon. Hindi rin naman nacelebrate 'yung birthday ko, sana hindi nalang muna sila umuwi.

"We'll go to the dentist later, honey," sabi ni Mom habang hawak hawak si Emerald. I stood up and approach them.

Emerald's eye sparkled when I show her a lollipop. Agad na sumama ang tingin sa akin ni Mom. Hinawakan ko siya sa braso at saka hinalikan sa pisngi. Sa huli ay bumuntong hininga nalang siya.

"Sabay na kami magpadentist ni Emerald, Mom." Pinisil ko ang matambok na pisngi ng kapatid.

"You're so pretty, Em. Mana ka kay Ate." I kissed her cheek and she giggled. She knows what to do to please her sister.

"Anak... 'Wag mo namang gawin 'to sa sarili mo," Manang said, almost pleading. Pilit niyang inagaw sa akin ang garapon ng candy na kanina ko pa nilalaklak. I chocked but I still continue to eat the candies on my hand. Nang tuluyang nakuha ni Manang ang garapon ay umangat muli ang tingin ko sa kaniya.

"Manang, ano pong gagawin ko? Candies couldn't cheer me up anymore? Maybe if I finish all of that, I will be able to smile again." Lumapit ako sa kaniya para kunin ang garapon. Umiling siya sa akin ng paulit-ulit.