From The Heart <3 (Poems And Short Stories)

To: El

Hey, Happy Thanksgiving or how about this one; have a Happy Break. Since Thanksgiving is all about being thankful I've decided that I would write a letter. Therefore, here's he rundown- you've always have done a lot for me and I can count on you. I hate to say this but I can probably honestly can depend on you more then my mom. Which I know isn't her fault, but sometimes I wish that I could count on her as much as she does me. Nevertheless, this letter isn't about my family drama; it's for you. You've always been really kind to me and in this world that can be rare sometimes. What I also want to say is that our graduation day is drawing nearer, and because it is I'm becoming weary. To be honest with you, I'm afraid of myself because I know what I do. I have this feeling that I'll do it to you to. I know that I don't want to do it and it scares me to know that I probably will. Basically, I am saying that I want reassurance. I know this might sound dumb but I've been known to shut people out when things get to complicated; I just give up. I did it to C, once she quit school things got a little messy and one day I just stopped talking to her. Its not like I meant to or wanted to do it and I honestly don't even know how I did it. It just happened one day, but now I'm trying to pick up all the pieces and repair our friendship. Once she told me she was moving I realized how much I actually missed her and that us not speaking to eachother anymore was my fault. I got trapped inside my own little world lil k always tells me that I disassociate with reality a lot. It hasn't been easy trying to fix us. I'm not asking for your pity, but for your help if you still want to stay connected. To be frank, I really like hanging out with you, and one day I think it'd be fun if we like played a game or watched a scary movie together. Of course it's if you still want to be with me and I'm not forcing you. I know that I'm not most funnest person to be around and I have a dangerous habit of making things odd to say the least. If I run from you would you try to chase me? If I stopped texting you for awhile would you take the initiative to message me? Or perhaps if I start drowning would you save me? I know, I know lots of pressure right?! It's gonna be different not seeing you in school all the time. I know when school ends I imagine I'll be pretty lonely. I'm sorry I'm droning on about this this letter is supposed to be your ordinary holiday card. Writing to me is the easiest form of communication as I'm sure you've noticed. But with this new medicine I've made lots of progress with my difficulties. I hope to continue to make progress and maybe one day I'll be as good as talking to people like you are. I know you have this habit of telling people how bad you are. But really your not as bad as you think you are you know. I think you also have a habit of pushing people away. Maybe you don't even realize it. I don't know how your gonna read through this hole letter and I can continue writing for ages you know so I'll make my last points short so I don't bore you to death with my melodramas. I wish you well through the break and I thank you for your kindness. Maybe this whole letter is a bit to much and dramatic, even so it is our final year so I don't think it matters much anymore. Also please note that this letter is printed out and typed therefore you cannot complain about my "awful" handwriting. I've had lots of people abandon me you know, and I don't want you to leave as well; not yet anyway lol. This may be a little far fetched but once my house is all done you can come visit me. Or even if you need somewhere to go you can come stay awhile, I don't mind. I don't even know where I'm going with this letter, but what I do know is that the word count is getting bigger and I don't know how to end it. Sooo

Yours truly,
Belle

<3 this is a letter to another of my Friends, but it seems I'll never give it to him, I don't have the courage, but nevertheless it does will to know that I have written it from my heart to his<3