From The Heart <3 (Poems And Short Stories)

Truth...

Okay, listen El.

Honestly, most of those photos were older okay. You know I just go from periods to not doing it- to times I get set off. I suppose it's like my bottle that's the way I release.

To be honest... Something happened a while ago. It just really messed up my head. If you don't want to know then skip the words within the lines. I know your an Aries and all but like I know this is cringe but I don't wanna like trigger you. Nor do I want to make you cry again. Honestly, I haven't even told lil k what happened. She was going through an odd stage where she was upset in the mornings and barely spoke a word to me. And I didn't wanna burden her with my drama lol. I don't want to burden you either, but I want to be fair I suppose and give you a choice. But, ah don't say I didn't warn you. I tried to make it minimal and tried to include the only details you'd need to have a understanding. I'm sorry this is all so dumb and dramatic. You said you didn't like the other girls in our class cuz they were all drama. I promise I'm not drama filled.

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One night, I was staying up later on a school night. I was in the backroom and was playing video games. All I wanted to do was just emerse myself into the game, ya know? And I was all alone so I didn't have to worry about giving someone else a turn. I could play as long as I wanted to.

And then...

I was so distracted, your gonna think that I'm dumb. But, I thought maybe a fly or some kind of moth was in there. I just kept feeling these light pokes on my back. I kept shrugging it off. And it kept coming back. The pokes started going lower and lower, then I noticed his shadow on the TV's corner.

So I continued to shrug it off and pretend that I had no idea. I made comments like "stupid bug" because I thought maybe he'd leave me alone, you know? But it just frustrated him and he tried harder.

He didn't get me in the end. I won. He left for awhile, then he came back. He told me that he was sorry. Like the audacity to come back and play it off as it's okay. And well I'm not proud, but I forgave him like I always do.

The rest within the lines is just I guess more information? You can stop here if you want and read the end out of the lines if you wish. It's up to you and what your feeling. I'm sorry this is so dumb and it's embarrassing. I'm not writing this to seek attention or your pity. I'm not a baby you know, I'm not some fragile china that'll crumble with a touch of your finger. Also side note, this is what I was venting about to you, all those deleted messages was mostly this, stupid right? I didn't have anyone to tell, so I told you, but I deleted it, so I could at least get it out, you know?

But everytime he apologizes or he says things like it's eating him up inside, I try to be understanding..? No that's not the right word, but like I try to...

I don't know honestly, he's always been good at fooling me. Especially when we were littler, he'd get me to think that he just wanted to hang out, things like to play a game together or watch a movie. And then he'd up putting his hands where the shouldn't go. Or he'd want to do other things.

I can't tell you who, it hurts to bad to admit it, you know?

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Look, I don't want you to get upset. But I also don't want you to worry to bad. The worst part had been over with. I've been handling it in not the most sufficient ways I know that. But I have been getting better, really I mean that.

I'll get over it, and then I'll stop for a long while. It's like a cycle you know. It comes and it goes.

I just can't wait until I can graduate and move. I'm so close just one more semester. And I'm happy that you would be willing to live with me. There's room for you, I won't be as lonely either.

But that's the honest truth, it's too hard to cry about it, because if I do I know I won't stop. And I don't want to go down that route and so I do other things. But I'll overcome it, and win.

<3 I decided that I'd rather tell him in person then let him read this so instead of it just hanging out with my other unpublished things I'll just post it <3

Update** still haven't told him... ):