(DISCONTINUED) Dear Sweetheart, [Ranboo x Reader]

Ch. 4

TW: Self-harm, mentions of eating disorder, relapse, mentions of suicidal thoughts

Kind of a long chapter that is really heavy and really angsty, so strap in bitches
--------

You laid in bed for another moment of crying and then walked to the bathroom, shutting the door and turning on the light.

You stared at yourself in the mirror, tracing the shape of your facial features and wishing you were thinner, had clear skin, had a different eye color, had different lips, weren't so flat (or that you were flatter-you pick).

I don't need dinner tonight.

You quickly splashed some cold water on your face and then toweled it off, sniveling pathetically as you avoided looking in the mirror once again. You opened a drawer and pulled out a small knife you had hidden in your ~special~ drawer, somewhere you knew Karl would never look. (that sounds so sus- I MEAN SOMETHING LIKE MAKEUP OR FEMININE PRODUCTS OR SOMETHING PERSONAL LIKE THAT I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE IT SOMETHING GENDERED OR SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T APPLY TO ALL PEOPLE). You sobbed once again and opened the knife, the metal glinting in the light. It's only been a month...that's hardly any time anyways. You thought to yourself, trying to find some reassurance.

It's ok.

You rolled up your sleeve.

I'm fine.

And brought the cold metal down to your skin.

It's only been a month.

You cut.

Not very many at all, just 2 quick, not even very deep, cuts. But blood immediately beaded at the surface, and the quick sting of the blade lingered. You folded back up the knife and put it away as hot tears dropped from your eyes and splashed onto your agitated cuts and scars.

"Fuck..." you muttered to yourself, your head throbbing and guilt making your lip quiver.

Suddenly a bing came from your phone and you reached into your pocket to grab your phone, you saw you had multiple messages from your bestfriend but decided to ignore them. The most recent notification had been from Discord, which you ended up opening after a long moment of consideration.

Ranboo

Hey! What's ur number so I can text you and whatnot :)

HoneyBee

(xxx) xxx-xxx-xxx

there you go

You turned your phone off and

(GUYS OMFG THE 2 GIRLS IN THE SHOW IM WATCHING ARE ABOUT TO KISS....sorry back to the story-)

You turned off your phone and slid it back into your pocket, rubbing at your eyes with the sleeve of your sweatshirt.

Then your phone rang, unexpectedly loud as you shuffled to pull it back out and slide your sleeve down to cover the fresh cuts.

You saw it was a facetime audio call and answered it, setting your phone down on the counter.

"Uhhh...hi?" you said, chasing away the voice-cracks as you rubbed away any remaining snot and tears, even though more just kept coming.

"Hi, sorry, it's Ranboo? Is this a bad time?" It was like he could sense something was off, even though you had tried your hardest to keep the pain out of your voice.

"Yeah- I uh- I mean... n-no, it's a great time, definitely a great time. Yup." You picked your phone back up and sat on the closed toilet seat, slapping yourself internally.