(DISCONTINUED) Dear Sweetheart, [Ranboo x Reader]

Ch. 18

TW's for this chapter: self-harm, disassociation (anxiety attack)

It's empty and bright, soundless except for a slight ringing noise in your head.

You opened your eyes and a white light shifted over you, blinding you for a moment before it settled, your eyes opening once more.

You sat up, struggling as you felt pain burst through you, eyes going fuzzy as you glanced at your arms and legs where the pain was most felt.

Blood.

Your thighs and arms were coated in crimson liquid, sticky and half-dried, tar-black slashes breaking through the liquid that poured forth, deep and painful.

The scream that tore free next rattled your bones, tearing your throat in two as the sound broke forth.

And then you woke up.

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The sheets around you were twisted and damp with sweat, your face soaked with tears.

Ranboo wasn't beside you anymore, only the faint body warmth was left behind as a reminder he had been there several minutes before.

There was an overwhelming itchy feeling where the blood had been in the dream, slowly turning into an inferno, the itchiness turning into a burning, melting feeling.

You tried forcing yourself to stay in the bed longer, ignore the pain surfacing, but it was too hard.

You got up, barely noticing there was nobody in the room, and walked slowly to the bathroom, not completely realizing where you were going or what you were doing.

You locked the door to the bathroom, body heavy and vision blurry, and opened your drawer.

Your hand shuffled through the items in the drawer, searching at the bottom for the blade you were familiar with.

But when your hand wasn't met with cool metal, your stomach dropped.

Where is it.

Your mind was racing, thoughts a whirlwind as you frantically threw everything out of the drawer, body going cold.

"No. No. No no no no no no no no no." Tears started streaming from your face, "No." Tears flowed faster with every swipe away, "No. No..."

You searched farther to find something, desperation grasping every aspect of you.

You found nothing.

Instead, you collapsed in the bath, knees brought up to your chest as you sobbed.

A knock on the door.

"Hey, Y/n? Are you done in there?" It was Puffy, voice cheery per usual.

You stayed silent for a moment before answering.

"Sorry, Puffy. Just- could you get Ranboo and Wilbur? Please..." Your choked sobs gave you away and she obliged, rushing off to find the 2 boys.

A few minutes later there was a new knock, and you could hear Wilbur's voice.

"It's me and Ranboo, Y/n/n." He said, voice soft, "Can we come in."

You made some sort of approving noise and the door opened, the two tall boys walked in and shut the door behind them.

They both ignored the belongings strewn around the small room, Wilbur taking a seat on the closed toilet and Ranboo wiggling his large frame into the bath in front of you, placing his hands on your knees.

You all sat in silence for a while, your shoulders still shaking as your sobs eventually started to quiet.

"Happy birthday." Ranboo said softly after a few minutes, looking at you. A larger sob made you snivel as you laughed slightly.

"I thought everyone forgot..." You muttered, looking at Ranboo with teary eyes.

"Trust me, nobody did." Wilbur laughed, sharing a confusing look with Ranboo, who grinned.

Another moment of silence.

"Hey Y/n, can you look at me?" Ranboo asked slowly, tipping your chin up lightly.

You looked up into his grey eyes and he wiped away a tear with his thumb, cupping your face.

"It's ok," Tears poured forth from your eyes and you stifled it, a burning feeling settling into the back of your throat, "I know it's hard. I know, Y/n. It's ok." He pulled you towards him so you were settled between his gangly legs and hugged you tightly, his own tears dropping onto your head. "I love you, it's ok."

All your held-back tears poured forward in a stream of sobs and gasping, and you held him close.

"I'm going to leave you two alone, but come get me if you need me, ok?" Wilbur gets up and leaves quietly, shutting the door behind him.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Ranboo asked, holding you comfortingly.

You shake your head no, grimacing.

Almost immediately after Ranboo tilts your face up and places a gentle kiss on your lips, pushing your hair behind your ear.

"I love you. I'm so happy I can say that, Y/n. I love you." You kiss him again at that, tangling your hands in his mop of hair.

"I love you too, Boo. I don't understand- I don't understand how it's me. I was a fan who had a stupid crush on you, but somehow it's me." You laugh at the stupidity, setting your head on his chest with a faint smile.

"This is supposed to be a secret but... I've actually been watching your content since you started." he said, grinning.

Your jaw drops.

"WHAT?"

He simply nodded, smiling HUGELY.

"Wait...."

You stared into his eyes for a moment, studying him.

"NO." You gasped suddenly, jaw dropping.

"WHAT-"

"NO. THERE IS NO WAY." You grabbed his face with both of your hands, his stubbled cheek scratchy against your palm. "YOU'RE BARNOO!?!? BARNOO69?!?!?!?"

He started laughing, laughing like the world was about to end.

"YOU WERE MY 100TH SUB! YOU WERE MY FIRST DONATER! BOO I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU."

"It was before either of us got very big, when I was just starting out and... I don't know... I watched a few streams and some videos and..." He kissed your forehead briefly, "To be honest I got a big crush. But then I started taking off and didn't have much time to watch streams and youtube and whatnot, so I fell off. Still subscribed to you on my other account though."

You laugh hysterically.

"Oh my god, I love you."

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922 words

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aww sweet fluff combats the angst once again ;)

didn't proofread.

shoutout to @TheFirstPrince because they are the first ever reader of this story and my biggest supporter <3

You are GORGEOUS, and VALID. I LOVE YOU. <3