the girl who saved 3

part 25

"That's all?" she asked as I gave her the pen and paper. "Yes, thank you so much Belle" I suddenly said, and she froze totally. "Belle, and Helios. You know something about this?" she took a big swallow before she gathered her things in her bag along with the letter. "I will tell you later. I finally will" she smiled as she walked up with my tray. I hadn't even though about my future with Harry if there were one. If in one alternative time we would have a future. I don't know exactly how we would countiue from there, but we would figure it out. 

I imagine his reaction to the letter. Will he be happy, sad, depressed, wanna die ect? Or something in those categories. I imagine he getting the letter where ever he was at the moment. Hopefully he was at Sirius's when he got that letter, and every man and woman of the order took turns reading it, canceling whatever superhero mission they had to save me. I wished I could out myself to my parents, tell them that I didn't want to be here, but there was not one window to be found. "It's quite cold in here" a familiar voice said. I quickly looked around to see my grandfather.

"Can you feel temperature even though you're dead?" he shook his head as he came and sat beside me. "No, but from what vibe it is in here, it's freezing". I challenged death, but he also came when I needed him. "How is being dead?" I quickly asked, as grandpa laughed. "I think I was always longing it a bit, but it's scary when it first happens" he explained. "I'm so sorry, it's my fault-", "No". No? How could it be a no? "You can't keep blaming every little incident on yourself little one, you are always going to face fears, at least you of all people-".

"And if there is one person that can go through this, this hell of a ride, it is you" he explained. "I can't, I can't even cry" my eyes were hurting so bad as nothing came out of them. "I know you can. You are the queen of the waters Madeleine. And tears for that sake. If there is one person that should cry, it's you" a hand that fell through me. "He's killing me". My voice keeps breaking, the world keeps turning, what is up? "You must try" he quietly told me. "How can I do that in the grave?".

"I'm doing it to you. I'm trying and I'm dead" that was a bad example, and that made me want to cry even more. There was a silence filling the room with pain, and hurt, and not getting to say goodbye. "I'm sorry for the years we lost, those years I thought I protected you, but kept you away from your identity. It's unfair, but I did it of all the love I had. I just, couldn't loose you to. And now you have lost me" the sound of cracked fingers and a wave of coldness was just enough. 

But something made sense in my mind, that I had the happiest years at Hogwarts either way. "You know what, maybe it was for the best" he looked at me in wonder, and I saw the feelings of the past self in his eye. My past self was mad, I was scared because if I figured this out later, could I have prevented something from happening? Could I saved Sirius quicker than it happened, could I have met Uncle Remus quicker than possible? Would I develop a better way to deal with things, would I understand life better?

"You are too young for this". I suddenly saw myself as a child, seeing myself sitting in the chair, trying to mix some cake mix I believed it was. "You are too young for this" grandpa laughed as he took me down from the chair. And now, over 10 years later, I am 16 years old. I can't be too young anymore, I'm not too young anymore, I won't let myself be to young anymore. "But I forgive you". The words spoke as he gave me a little smile, then disappeared. Much quicker than Cedric. 

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