Why need to choose one if I can have all three?
There were just one important rule that I need to follow as part of management: don't date or have any romantic or sexual activities with them.
But what if I broke that rule?
Not once
Not twice
But th...
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—— I went to bed, trying to fall asleep. But I was just tossing and turning in bed. Until I had to go and get ready for the meeting with Taehyung and Jungkook.
This meeting will be difficult, full of emotions, and will change all our lives.
I am afraid. How will things be after my words? How will our lives unfold? I am afraid to make a mistake. Maybe my decision is not the right one? No. I know that this is the best decision I could have made. It needs to be. ——
I took a cold shower. I wanted to give my body some energy.
I put on some make-up because my face looked terrible. There were signs of stress and insomnia.
I got ready, cleaned up the apartment. Eating was out of the question. I would probably have thrown up immediately. My stomach was churning, I was nauseous, my heart was pounding at insane speed, I was dizzy. I had never felt so bad in my life. I sat down on the sofa, closed my eyes, and did some breathing exercises. I tried to calm down at least a little bit, otherwise, when Jungkook and Taehyung will come I will have a huge panic attack.
My meditation was interrupted by the doorbell.
I took one last deep breath and opened the door.
They were both standing in front of me. With modest smiles on their faces.
"Come in and get comfortable."
A moment later, the three of us were sitting in the living room.
"Thank you for coming." My voice was shaking. So I took a deep breath.
Jungkook hesitated but gently ran his fingers over my hand. "It's all right. Calm down."
Tears immediately filled my eyes.
"So, we're here to talk. Maybe we should have done this much earlier..." Both guys nodded slightly. "I've thought about it for a long time. It's really hard what I'm going to say now, about the decision I made. I think it's the right decision. Although maybe not. Maybe I'll understand what decision I needed to make later, in a month or a year. But this is the decision I have accepted now." The closer I got to say the decision, the more my heart pounded in my chest. "Whatever I say now, it doesn't change how important you both are to me. You mean so much to me. Sometimes I think I care more about you and your well-being more than my own." I stopped talking for a second. I tried to hold back my tears. "So I've decided... I've decided to go back to New York and to cut off all contacts with you two and the rest of the members of BTS." I couldn't control the tears anymore, they were rolling down my cheeks. "This decision has been insanely difficult. My heart is breaking into a million pieces. But it hurts me even more because I know how much I am hurting you." I started sobbing. "But I think all three of us knew it would end like this. But we were all just stalling because we didn't want it to end. But on the other hand, what we had, who were we? This decision is insanely difficult. But I couldn't have made a different one. It would simply be unfair. This situation was doomed from the start. It was all too complicated and messed up. That is why we have to go on in our lives without each other. I will never forget what we had, I will never forget you. But life must go on. You are insanely important to me. Don't forget that. Never forget how much you mean to me. I will never forget you. It doesn't matter that we won't talk anymore, won't see each other anymore, we will be separated by thousands of kilometers. I will always think of you." The words poured out uncontrollably, in a fragmented order, I was repeating the same sentences many times. But I suppose that's completely normal in such a situation.
