Dark And Light

chapter 27

the third week in June 2036

I sat slouch on a kitchen chair as Dani made lunch for both of us. It's been a few weeks here actually and I want to say that I was feeling better. The food she cooked was surprisingly great. The herb teas sourced straight from her garden were amazing, she had more variety than Mãe. Everything was good. But there was no connection to the outside world, just me in this house for the last three weeks or in the yard when I wasn't keen on hearing the coven meetings every week. Even if it was like 9 at night.

And I wasn't feeling any better mainly because of the recollection of what I did. Or what Mad- Lilith used me to do. 

"Hey," 

"Sup?" I looked up at her, dishing out the vegan lentil soup that I swore she was cooking just a minute ago.

"Oh, the silent treatment has finally finished! I was getting confused with morse and sign language. You were in your head again. What's it saying?"

"Not-"

"And don't say nothing, it's the third time this week. You need to lay it all in front of me today."

I sighed, seeing that there was no use in lying or holding anything back anymore. I could just go all-in with her.

"Yeah, I just hate that she-"

"I know. I have a question though," She put our plates of lentil soup across from each other. It smelled delicious, she surely curbed my meat craving. "It looks like it, and feels like it, especially when you blink and you're not in the room, but in the hall about to pound your best friend when you were in the room just before... but does she really have control of you? You are the one that really has the power. You can refuse her at any time."

"But it will hurt. And Sabrina is connected to me, as it is she's trying to find ways to use her but coming up short because Sab's learned how to cage and contain her energy and I do it to the point that it doesn't work! I-"

"Ok, honey calm down," She reached across the table and put my hand on hers. "Let's eat, ok? Have some food first."

"I'll throw up crying. We talk now or I keep it closed up till I combust."

She looked at me, probably biting the inside of her lips, then nodded. I could just feel the waterworks threatening to cascade again and I had to tilt my head back.

"Don't hold it back. Let's go to the room." She held her hand out and I took it immediately. 

We went down the hall and entered this specific room I've only been in about three times since I got here. The only difference is, this time I think I'm ready.

We sat on the sofa and faced each other. She pulled some crystals closer to the edge of the table where either of us could reach for one, given we needed the help. And by now I knew which crystal would aid for what.

"So, we're not going to go straight into the heavy stuff. Let's start with how you felt when you came here."

I quirked a brow at her, but she gestured to go on.

"I don't- ...I guess weird?"

"Go on,"

"When I stepped onto the property itself, I think I felt something bounce out of me. And, well, you know what my panic and anxiety attacks for the first 5 days looked like."

"And what about now?" She tilted her head.

"It's less tense in my mind. Though there's a tough blame game going on. I have urges but being in a room where I couldn't tap into any of my abilities to get out and find something seemed to help it. And there's still this feeling of abandonment, and guilt... the guilt just doesn't stop.'