Gwen's Point Of View
"I won't be able to focus on my game knowing that you're mad at me." I froze. I can hear my heart beating so fast. I didn't know what to say. I looked at our friends who were all shocked for the second time. Gustong kong matawa sa itsura nila pero hindi ko magawa.
"Let's just eat." I broke the silence once again. He nodded with sadness in his eyes and started mixing the sauce and pasta of my carbonara before telling me that I can start eating it already.
Gusto kong umiyak. Parang mababaliw na ata ako sa halo-halong emosyon na nararamdaman ko ngayong araw. I just want to go home and cry myself to sleep.
My friends started talking about random things but I can see them looking at Jarred and I from time to time. I know that they can sense what's happening. It's just that, no one is brave enough to ask the both of us. And I don't think I'm also brave enough to answer their questions. I might just cry in front of them.
Nang matapos kumain ay magkakasunod na nagpaalam ang mga kaibigan namin na papasok sa klase nila hanggang sa kami nalang ni Jarred ang naiwan sa table namin.
Tapos narin akong kumain kaya naman I decided to stand up when Jarred quickly grabbed my right hand. I looked down at him and raised my eyebrow.
"Can we talk? Please?" I can hear the desperation in his voice. I sighed and nodded before sitting beside him again. I looked at his left hand holding my right hand. Nakita ko namang sinundan niya 'yon ng tingin bago dahan dahang inalis ang pagkakahawak niya. Lumayo ako ng bahagya sa kanya pagkatapos noon.
"Ano bang sasabihin mo, Jarred?" Tanong ko sa kaniya nang dumaan ang isang minuto at nakatitig lang siya sa akin. Mabilis naman siyang lumapit ulit sa akin kaya inirapan ko siya.
"Lumayo nga ako, diba?" Naiinis na salita ko na ikinatawa niya ng mahina.
"Ayokong mapalayo sayo. Come on, let's talk properly, babe." Paglalambing pa niya bago muling hinawakan ang kamay ko. Umiwas ako ng tingin at hindi na sumagot pa.
"Are you mad because you saw me with Leslie?" Did he seriously asked it? Nang-aasar ba siya?
"Shut up. I'm not mad. I'm just not in the mood to talk." I answered firmly. Mas lalo tuloy siyang lumapit sa akin at nagulat nalang ako ng iyakap niya ang kaliwang braso sa baywang ko bago ako hinalikan sa ulo. I froze again! Mamamatay na ata ako dahil parang kinakapos ako sa paghinga.
"I'm sorry for what happened. Hindi naman namin sinasadya na magkasama doon sa library. I was just looking for the book that I need to do a critique paper on when I bumped into her and..."
"Jarred." I stopped him from talking. I saw how scared he looked at me. Am I scaring him? Why?
"Y-yes, baby?" I sighed at his response. Kinuha ko ang kanang kamay niya bago siya tiningnan nang mabuti.
"It's okay, really. You don't have to explain yourself to me. Stop it already." Mahinahon na sagot ko. I actually want to hear everything, pero ayoko na kasing masaktan. Kasi parang kahit anong explanation niya, mananatili sa utak ko yung mga ngiti nilang dalawa. I don't think it will go away that easily.
"Why don't you want to hear my explanation? I want to explain and you deserve it." Parang naiinis nang tanong niya. I tried to smile at him pero alam kong nakita niya na malapit nang bumagsak ang luha sa mga mata ko. I tried to wipe it using my hands pero inunahan ako ni Jarred.
"Sorry, pagod lang." Sinubukan ko pang tumawa pero hindi niya sinagot 'yon, bagkus ay pilit niya akong iniharap sa kaniya. Hindi ko napigilan nang sunod-sunod na pumatak ang mga luha ko. Nakita ko kung paano siya nataranta at hindi malaman kung anong dapat na gawin. He looked hurt as well.
"Oh my, sorry, Jarred. I don't want to cry in front of you." I even tried to cover my face when he suddenly pulled me for a hug. I tried my best to stop crying but my tears won't stop from falling.
Ang sakit sakit ng puso ko. Ilang oras ba ang dumaan simula nang makita ko sila at naipon nang ganito ang sakit? Bakit parang hinihiwa ang puso ko? Bakit ang hirap huminga?
I feel so stupid, crying in Jarred's arms. Wala naman siyang kasalanan, ako lang naman ang nagdala nito sa sarili ko. Una palang, alam naman namin pareho na hindi magiging madali ang sitwasyon namin at hindi guaranteed na mamahalin namin ang isa't isa.
Kaya nga we tried to be friends, and we clicked. But I fell for him! How stupid am I to fall for him when I know exactly that he can't catch me?
Hinagod niya ang likod ko hanggang sa maramdaman ko na kaya ko nang umalis sa pagkakayakap niya. He wiped my cheeks and kissed my forehead.
"I'm sorry. Please, forgive me." Nagsusumamo ang tingin niya sa mga mata ko. I smiled at him.
"It's okay." I answered but I know that he can feel that it wasn't genuine. I just want to stop our conversation and go home. I want to sleep.
"It's not. I'm sorry again. Let's go home, I know you're tired." I just nodded and let him hold my hand while we were walking.
"Do you want to buy something?" He asked when we were already on the road. Tumingin ako ng mabilis sa kaniya bago umiling.
"Wala, let's just go straight home." Tumango naman siya at bumuntong hininga.
"By the way, hindi ka ba talaga maglalaro ngayon? Magaling daw ang mga makakalaban niyo para sa practice today, ah?" He stared at me nang sumaktong naka- stop ang sasakyan.
"I'm not going to play today. Magsasabi ako kay coach pagkauwi natin sa bahay." He answered slowly, like trying his best not to say anything wrong. Napa-iling ako.
"Bumalik ka nalang sa school pagkahatid mo sa akin. Mamayang 6 pa naman ang practice niyo diba? You still have two hours and thirty minutes. Sayang naman ang laro, don't miss it." I answered, very serious. Sakto namang kailangan na naming umandar kaya inalis niya ang tingin sa akin. Naka-hinga naman ako ng maluwag.
"I want to spend the day with you. Let's watch a movie." Balewalang sagot niya. Nakita ko pang bahagya siyang napangiti.
"Jarred, stop it, okay? I'm okay now, I'll just wait for you at home. Sayang ang laro." Pangungumbinsi ko pa. Umiling siya kaagad.
"Ayokong maglaro ngayon, love. I want to watch a movie with you, please let me. Basketball can wait and coach will understand. Don't worry about it." Ayan na naman yang 'love' na 'yan! Kaya lalo akong nahuhulog eh!
"Whatever." Inis na sagot ko nalang. Napatawa siya at kinuha ang kaliwang kamay ko bago hinalikan ito.
"It hurt seeing you cry, love."
