Oce's POV
I sat there in the hospital lobby. It seemed like it was taking forever. We hadn't heard anything. The last thing I remember was him losing grip on my hand. The rest was a blur. I sat there sitting on Lou's lap as he rubbed my back. I felt so numb.
What if he died? If he died...he died to save me...I could never forgive myself. I could never be okay.
"Oce?" I heard Lou's voice in my ear, "Oce?"
I looked at him without saying anything. I didn't want to say anything. I was afraid I would break down if I said anything.
"Eleanor is here"
I looked at the end of the hallway, near the elevators and there she was. I stood up and Lou walked me over to her. She grabbed me and held me.
"Sweetie, everything's going to be ok. He's going to be fine. He's going to make it. Don't worry. He fought for you and those kids. He's not going to give up now" she whispered to me
We released each other. I couldn't believe anyone who said everything was going to be okay because no one knew. No one knew he was going to end up here trying to save me and our kids. I bit my lip. I couldn't handle it anymore. I turned around and latched onto Lou before bursting into tears. He wrapped his arms around me and held me.
"It's okay, love, let it out. It's okay" he rubbed my back
I started to shake I was crying so hard. It had been four hours and still no news. I was now sitting on the ledge of a window looking down at the paparazzi in the parking lot. I didn't know who tipped them off. I didn't want to deal with them.
Niall and Liam came by with Edward and Ella. I kissed them but I couldn't hold them. I couldn't look at Edward. He looked too much like Harry and I couldn't stomach that. I just wanted to know if Harry was okay. I just wanted to know if he made it.
"Simon's here with Paul" I heard one of the boys tell Louis
"Fuck" Lou mumbled
"What the fuck is going on?" I heard Simon's voice, "Where is Harry? What happened? How did this happen?"
"He went looking for Oce and the kids and we found them...but" Liam trailed off
"He could be dead, is that what you're saying?" Simon raised his voice
"Simon, relax" Paul told him
"Relax?" he laughed, "You've gotta be kidding"
"How is she?" I heard Paul ask someone
"She's really numb. She's not good" Lou mumbled
"Excuse me do you have any news on Harold Styles?" Paul asked the nurse at her station
"I'm afraid I don't. The doctor hasn't updated his status" she shook her head.
"Can you get someone down here now to update us! We're his family just bloody sitting here thinking the worst"
"Sir I'm sorry but-"
"But what? You have to leave and personally find someone to do so? Be my guest, I will wait"
"Sir I-"
"Leave and find someone! That boy is like my son in there! I need to know he's still alive. He has a fiancee and kids here. GO FIND SOMEONE WHO FUCKING KNOWS WHAT'S GOING ON!"
Niall laughed at her getting berated as she scurried off to find someone, anyone.
I jumped slightly as I felt someone touch my shoulder. It was Liam.
"Are you okay, love?"
I looked at him as if he were stupid. I wasn't okay. I wasn't even near being okay. I was broken. I was scared.
Why weren't they scared?
I bit my lip and looked away from him. It wasn't his fault. He was just trying to make sure I wasn't suicidal. And at this point I wasn't sure if I was or not. If Harry didn't make it, could I make it without him? I didn't know how to answer that question. I didn't want to think about potentially having to answer that question. I did know one thing, I didn't trust myself enough not to do something stupid. I didn't want to be alone.
It was 3 am and I sat there in the waiting room, staring at the boys fast asleep. I couldn't sleep. Whenever I closed my eyes I saw it replay over and over again. I heard the shots. I felt him push us out of the way. I could even feel his blood on my hands. I looked down at my hands. There was still dried blood lining the palm lines of my hand. I ran to the bathroom and pumped the soap dispenser into my hand.
What am I doing? If I wash this away and he's dead that's all I'll have left of him.
"No no no no" I started to cry trying to wipe off the soap without getting rid of his dried blood.
"Oce?" I heard someone say my name
It was Eleanor.
"No no no" I mumbled to myself ignoring her
"Sweetheart, what are you doing?" she watched me scrub my hands
"Fuck! I'm-...no...no...no if he dies..." I started to ramble, "If he leaves me here all alone then I've lost everything. This is the last piece of him"
I showed her my palms, which were red and raw.
"Oce, stop. You're hurting your hands" she tried to grab the paper towels out of my hand, "Give me these. Stop it! Oceane!"
"No! I can't lose Harry! I need him!" I screamed, "I need him!"
She grabbed me and held me, slowly prying the paper towels out of my hands. We slid down the wall and onto the floor. I buried my face into her sweater as I sat between her legs. Repeating myself over and over through stifled breathing and sobbing.
"I need him...I need him"
