Louis was there with every appointment. It was nice that I wasn’t alone in this but emotionally I needed Harry. I knew I couldn’t tell him. I knew I couldn’t ask him. I knew it wasn’t right to ruin his future though I ruined my own. But I loved him. He was my best friend. But he was her husband.
I sat at my desk and was drawn out of my thoughts as I realized my cell was ringing. I looked down to see Harry. I clicked ‘decline’ and sighed. It was the fourth time he had called me today but I just wasn’t ready to talk to him. Then a text came to my phone.
Harry: why are you ignoring me?
Harry: what did I do?
I bit my lip.
What did we do…
Harry: I know that you’re getting my messages…
I sighed and started to type
Oce: really busy.
Oce: lots of work
Harry: okay………………….
I snickered at his sarcasm.
Harry: but really is everything ok?
Oce: yeah fine.
Harry: well alright, Melanie said that your dress fitting is tomorrow
“Fuck” I mumbled.
I had completely forgot I was a bridesmaid in her wedding.
Oce: I can’t be a bridesmaid anymore
Harry: What? Why?
Oce: Because I can’t. I’m swamped with work and I think someone whose a part of her family should be her bridesmaid
Harry:…where’s this coming from
Oce: nowhere I’m just swapped with work and stuff….
I no longer wanted to have this conversations so I opted for the easiest way out; the power button.
. . . . . .
It was the day of the wedding. One could’ve said I was numb to everything around me. I didn’t know what to do. I was getting larger and larger and hiding it was more difficult than I had anticipated. I had arrived with Lou separately from the others at my request. Opening the limo door he climbed out and then held out his hand to assist me and my extra baggage.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” he whispered as we made our way to the back entrance of the church.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I just want to get this over with and go home”
“Okay, if you need anything I’m here. You know this” he looked at me
“Yeah” I looked away.
I admired all the decorations and the flower girls’ dresses as they ran around throwing petals at one another.
“Girls! Stop that! Those are for the ceremony” I said Melanie’s sister scold them, frustrated.
She looked up and saw me.
“Oce! How are you? I’m sorry you changed your mind about the bridesmaid dress”
“It’s okay. I’m just…” I tried to pick my words wisely, “Going through a lot at the moment and I just need to organize my life out”
She nodded with a slight confused look on her face.
Great! I made myself sound like I had some kind of drug problem.
I smiled and proceeded to go to see Melanie. If I hadn’t, Harry would never talk to me again. I was doing a great job dodging Harry with the help of Lou, of course.
I knocked on the door and waited for an answer. Melanie opened the door to reveal herself in a gorgeous white dress. She looked cliche, like a princess. My gag reflex heightened at the thought of Harry ripping the dress off of her on their honeymoon.
“Oce! How are you? Thanks for coming”
“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world” I smiled at her
I was genuinely happy for her. She was getting everything I wanted. She was marrying the man I was in love with. And as long as Harry was happy, I tried to be happy for him even if it didn’t involve me being in the picture with him.
“You look like you’re glowing” she smiled
“I know..” I sighed
I kept hearing that a lot. And I knew it was from the pregnancy.
“I’m sorry. I’m a little sick at the moment, will you excuse me” I bit my lip and left.
It was morning, afternoon, evening, all night sickness. Anything I would eat and it wouldn’t want, would come right back up. It was horrible. I rushed into the stall and spilled out my stomach’s contents until this eating machine inside of me was satisfied.
I grabbed some tissue and wiped my mouth. I flushed and stood up straight. Walking out of the stall I washed my mouth out with tap water and stared back at myself in the mirror.
I was glowing. Touching my stomach, looked down. It was firm. It was in there. A piece of Harry was growing inside of me. I felt as if it were my hidden scarlet letter at the same time. I felt so guilty for doing such a forbidden act that we both wanted to do. But I loved this unborn child. It was mine, well no. It was ours. It would be something we shared for the rest of our lives. I wasn’t sure about how to feel with everything going on but of course my hormones made it very clear what I was suppose to be doing as I felt myself start to cry.
I wasn’t sure if I was crying because it was Melanie and not me he was marrying. I wasn’t sure if it was the fact that I was in this alone despite having Louis around and I wasn’t sure if it was the fact that I had to force myself to watch them take their vows in front of God but I did know that I loved Harry more than anything and it only took me having to attend his wedding to another girl to realize this.
I jumped slightly as I was startled out of my thoughts as I felt Louis hug me.
“Are you okay?”
I shook my head and laid it against chest as I cried harder.
“Don’t cry. Please, Oce. It’s going to be okay. I promise. I promise” he grabbed my face and looked me in the eyes, “Trust me”
And in that moment I could do nothing else but trust him.
