90 Day Saioumami Challenge

𝟠 - You're Back in My Life and I Want to Die Again. ♥️

Kokichi hummed to himself as he finished cleaning the home, something he rarely ended up doing due to issues with his... roommate. The male was in a relationship with Saihara Shuichi, who happened to be dating Amami Rantaro at the same time. It was consensual, Kokichi and Amami both agreed to the situation. As a part of the agreement, Shuichi lived with Kokichi for one month, then with Amami, swapping between the two.

When Shuichi was around, Kokichi could never get anything done, he spent the month being unmotivated and depressed. Without his boyfriend around, the male found himself cheerful and always upbeat. He didn't know the reasoning, he hadn't talked to anyone about the situation but it'd started becoming worse. The last month Shuichi was around, Kokichi ended up in the hospital due to a horrible anxiety attack which led to him sustaining serious injuries.

Hearing the doorbell ring, Kokichi's heart dropped as he realised the date. Shuffling toward the front door to the apartment, he opened the door to a smiling Shuichi. "Kokichi!" Shuichi dropped his bag and wrapped his arms around the male who didn't reciprocate. Feeling his body tense, Kokichi's mind clouded with fearful despair.

"How- How are you?" Kokichi asked, breaking free from the hug as he locked the door behind Shuichi.

"Honestly I'm really tired, didn't get much sleep last night," Shuichi muttered. Kokichi nodded, the bags under Shuichi's eyes prominent against his pale skin.

"Why don't you take a nap?" Kokichi suggested, secretly hoping for more time away from the male.

"I think I will," Shuichi agreed with a nod. "I'll talk to you later Kokichi." Kokichi nodded, showing his boyfriend a faint smile as he disappeared down the hall. As soon as Shuichi disappeared, Kokichi dropped his smile and pulled out his phone. He began pacing around the apartment, staring at the name on his screen as he waited for his best friend to pick up the call.

"Yo, what's up bitch?" Chuckling, Kokichi appreciated the familiar talk.

"Hey Miu, I need your help..." He whispered, keeping his voice low so Shuichi wouldn't hear.

"The great Ouma Kokichi, asking for help? What's wrong?" Miu's demeanour switched at Kokichi's tone. He knew that she'd figured out something was wrong, he never asked anyone for help with anything.

"I... I'm having relationship issues, I think... Is it normal to be depressed and scared whenever your boyfriend is around?" Kokichi asked, his voice wavering as he already knew the answer, despite his attempt to hide from it. He sighed into the phone, jumping onto the couch and resting his free elbow on his knee. "I've no clue what I'm supposed to do. It scares me that I dread being around him, I'm supposed to treasure him, aren't I?"

"Is he doing anything to you Kokichi?" Miu asked. Kokichi picked up on her insinuation, knowing it would've been her first thought.

"No, that's the problem!" Kokichi aggressively whispered. "It's all me, I don't know what's going on, I've never felt like this in past relationships."

"With all due respect KoKo, you should break up with him. I know it's not what you want to hear but it seems like it's past the point of repair." Miu's ordinarily vulgar and disrespectful attitude had disappeared. Kokichi was one of the few people who witnessed her compassionate and caring side.

"I know it's the truth though, I guess I needed to hear someone else say it..." Kokichi sighed, resting his forehead in his hand.

"Do you want me to talk to Amami? He should probably be given a heads up or something," Miu muttered.

"No, I'll talk to him, thanks though."

"Don't thank me yet you whore. I'm coming over but give me time to get you ice cream!" With that, Miu hung up the call with a laugh, bringing a smile to Kokichi's face.

I don't want Shuichi to be sad because of my inability to keep a relationship... Time to call Amami. Dialling the person he'd rarely talked to without Shuichi present, Kokichi held his breath. What if he doesn't have my number on his phone? To be fair, I stole his number from Shuichi's phone in the first place... "Hello?" A strange voice asked from the other side of the line.

"Hey, is this Amami Rantaro?" Kokichi asked, his heart racing inside his chest.

"Yes, who's this?"

"Ouma, Ouma Kokichi..."

"Ah, you're Shuichi's other boyfriend, right? Did he give you my number?" Amami asked, a chuckle hidden behind his voice.

"Well, not exactly, I took it from his phone..." Kokichi chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Oh? I told him we should have each other's numbers but he said you didn't feel comfortable," Amami muttered.

"That's... odd... Anyway, I'm calling about something serious," Kokichi continued. "I'm breaking up with Shuichi, please make sure he's not upset or anything, okay? I don't want him to be emotional about this," Kokichi sighed.

"Huh? Why are you breaking up with him? Did something happen?"

"Nothing happened, that's the thing. The relationship just isn't working anymore and we don't have that spark that we used to. I don't want to hold him back when he has you," Kokichi mumbled. He felt a tear drip down his cheek that he hurried to wipe away.

"I understand, it's not your fault. These things happen. Thank you for telling me Ouma, and if you don't mind, I'd like to be friends with you despite this," Amami suggested.

"That..." Kokichi's eyes widened, not expecting the proposition. "That would be nice Amami..." Hanging up the call, Kokichi placed his phone on the couch and rubbed his temples. Hearing soft footsteps against the wooden linoleum, Kokichi glanced up to see Shuichi approaching him.

"I can't sleep, can we..." Kokichi averted his gaze to the floor, noticing Shuichi's eyes furrow into a frown. "Hey, is something wrong?"

Come on Kokichi, it's now or never... I'll only hurt him more if I prolong the inevitable. "We... We need to talk, Shuichi," Kokichi muttered. He felt the couch fall beside him as Shuichi sat down, taking Kokichi's hand in his. Sighing, Kokichi slipped his hand out of Shuichi's grasp.

"Is this what I think it is?" Shuichi whispered.

"Maybe... I'm sorry Shuichi, I can't do this anymore... Our relationship isn't working." Locking eyes with Shuichi, Kokichi's heart dropped in a swarm of guilt. Shuichi didn't seem upset, he wasn't crying, he just didn't look like he was mentally present.

"Can we try and fix things?" Shuichi whispered.

"I... Sorry Shuichi but I think it's past that point..." Kokichi muttered. The two continued to speak quietly, an unspoken force demanding they not speak louder.

"What caused this? Did I do something?" Shuichi begged with his pleading golden eyes.

"No. It's me Shuichi... You're back in my life and I want to die again. Don't blame yourself, at least you have Amami." Kokichi attempted to smile, although he knew his pain was evident.

Shuichi seemed taken aback, shocked at the sudden revelation. "If that's what you want, I won't force you to change your mind." Without further conversation, Shuichi stood from the couch and grabbed his bag, leaving the home. Watching the male leave him, Kokichi lost any compassion or guilt that'd begun to mount up in his body at the sight of Shuichi's smirk.