Wild Series #6: Twisted by Wild

#TBW06

Entry 06

Strange but I was able to spent that whole day with Dax kahit ilang beses kong pinakita sa kaniya na naiinis ako. Hindi ko alam kung naging ganito na ba kahaba ang pasensiya ko sa isang tao, pero iyon ang nangyari sa araw na 'yon. He was so oblivious about my annoyance to him, and weird because I still tried to be patient with him.

And about what he said that he has a crush on me, I really don't care about it. I just wonder what he meant when he said that he wants to be friends with me because he wants to be friends with me. Could that make any sense?

"Have you ever had a crush on someone back in your school?" Lumabas sa bibig ko habang nagpapahangin ako sa balkonahe at nasa loob si Nanay, inaayos ang kama ko.

I lifted my eyes to the cloudy dark sky that hides the stars and only half of the full moon is seen. Nanuot sa'king balat ang marahan at maaliwalas na hampas ng hangin.

"Crush? Oo naman. Bakit? May napupusuan ka ba sa escuela?"

I shook my head absently as my gaze is still fixed on the sky. My mother made me believe that I'm a princess, my father told me that I should be the pride of the Delavin's, and the people see me as that one person who couldn't put her hands on something dirty— very unlike of her parents. At ang mga taong nasa parehas kong edad, tinuturing akong parang iba sa kanila, hindi sa paraan na natatakot sila kundi dahil naiirita sila.

And I can't blame them. I told myself a lot of times that I couldn't care less, but maybe, there's something deep down in me that wishes secretly for someone to see the real me. To see the person I don't see whenever I look at the mirror. Dahil sa tuwing haharap ako sa salamin, nakikita ko ang babaeng bunga ng mga salitang naririnig ko sa mga tao: suplada, arogante, mapagmataas.

"Hindi ka sumasagot. Sino ang maswerteng lalaking iyan?"

Naputol ang pag-iisip ko at inalis ang tingin sa madilim na kalangitan. I looked inside my room and saw Nanay standing on the threshold of the balcony's door.

"Wala akong nagugustuhan," I paused.

Now that we're talking about crushes, I don't think I ever liked a guy my age. Particularly a real one. Buong buhay ko 'ata ay sa mga fictional characters lang ako nahulog. It's not that I was never introduced to boys my age, but my parents weren't also that fond of me meeting with any other guys. I've seen a lot of couples, but never once it crossed my mind of how does it feels to crush over someone. To fall, they say.

"The truth is I don't know if I'm capable of having that kind of feelings." I admitted.

Ironic how most of the books I read are about romance yet I still don't have a bit of idea if that word love is meant for everyone. Baka pili lang ang mga taong nakakaranas no'n?

"Syempre naman at may kapasidad kang magmahal, anak. Lahat ng tao ay may kakayahang magmahal. Katulad ko, mahal kita."

Napangiti ako sa sinabi niyang iyon pero agad ding napawi. Siguro hindi ko alam kung kaya ko bang maramdaman iyon dahil buong buhay ko wala namang nagtangkang pumasok sa buhay ko. Si Mommy, Daddy, at Nanay lang ang mga tao sa mundo ko. I didn't let Allison enter my world or anyone else. How could I possibly feel that emotion when I'm only surrounded with people who barely give me that. Not that Nanay is not enough, but... I don't know... there's something missing.

"Inaantok na 'ko." Sabi ko at tumayo mula sa pagkakaupo at pumasok sa loob.

Friendship and love, I don't think I'm capable of those.

After that one whole week of UGW, everything comes back to normal. School works, hectic schedules, and everything that normal students hate. But I don't because I'm not a normal student.