Wild Series #6: Twisted by Wild

#TBW18

Entry 18

"You think I'm a good kisser?"

Kanina ko pa hindi pinapansin ang paulit-ulit niyang tanong. We spent the whole day on the beach but we didn't swim because it's too cold for a dip. At hanggang nasa byahe na kami pauwi ay hindi niya pa rin tinitigil ang tanong na iyon.

It's not that I don't know the answer to that—I actually knew. He's a good kisser, that's a fact. However, I don't know what's really a good kisser mean. It was my first time and it's not like I've been with someone to differentiate anything. I have no one to compare to him. But, again, I'm not saying that he isn't a good kisser and I'm looking for someone to compare his kisses with. It's just... I'm embarrassed. I think he makes fun of my inexperience.

And I'm now starting to wonder if he has ever been with someone else. Was he ever intimate with someone else? Nagkaroon na ba siya ng girlfriend bago ako? Just thinking about it makes my heart bitter. Insecure. I won't take that against him because I have no idea of his existence before, but if he ever had a relationship before me, I can't promise to not think about it and wished that I should have known him earlier. Sana ako ang unang nahalikan niya. Na sana ako ang unang nagustuhan niya. Ako sana ang unang babaeng niligawan niya.

God. I wasn't like this before. Alam kong nasa dugo ng mga Delavin ang pagiging arogante at gahaman pero ilang beses kong pinaniwala ang sarili ko na hindi ako gano'n. I deluded myself from believing that I wasn't selfish. That I want best for the people. But with Dax? I'm being irrational. I'm being selfish. I'm turning into someone I don't know if I would really want to become. I don't want to share him with anyone else. Gusto ko... akin lang siya.

"Tri?"

Sinulyapan ko lang siya ng isang beses nang tawagin niya ako pero ibinalik ko rin ang tingin sa harapan. I heard him clear his throat intentionally and I roll my eyes.

"Kapag hindi mo pa rin ako kinausap iisipin ko nang makikipag-break ka sa'kin dahil hinalikan kita. You know what? Honestly, I didn't really mean to rush anything between us. I really, really like you, you know that. Everyone knows that—" he made gestures in the air using his hand, trying to explain.

"Kaya kung naiinis ka dahil bigla kitang hinalikan kanina, tatanggapin ko ang sampal mo. Sapok? Go! Kaya kong tanggapin 'yon. Kung gusto mong hindi ako pansinin ng isang araw?" Umiling lang siya. "Diyan tayo hindi magkakasundo."

I bit my bottom lip to stifle a smile—or maybe I'm suppressing a laugh. He has no idea how much I liked what he did, but of course, I won't say it. Lalaki lang ang ulo niya.

"Tri," he called my name hopelessly and dramatically. "Kausapin mo 'ko. Kapag hindi ka pa nagsalita, hindi tayo uuwi. Dadalhin kita sa isang isla—I actually know an isolated island here and I'll abduct you until you decide to talk to me again because you have no idea how much I can do anything for us to communicate—"

"What do you want me to say, really?" Putol ko sa lintaniya niya.

Nakita kong namilog ang mga mata niya na para bang hindi siya makapaniwalang umimik na ako pagkatapos ng halos isang oras na siya lang ang dumadaldal. Gusto ko siyang irapan ulit nang makita kong ngumisi siya pero hindi ko ginawa.

"Am I a good kisser-"

"Jesus!" Tinakpan ko ang aking dalawang tainga at pinilit na huwag marinig ang tawa niya pero imposible iyon.

"Dax ang pangalan ko. Gaano kasarap ang halik ko para makalimutan mo ang pangalan ko?"

I glare at him. "I'm supposed to forget my name, not yours." I corrected him.

He shrugged languidly with a cocky smirk on his face. I scowl at him more.

"We make our own figurative language."