Wild Series #6: Twisted by Wild

#TBW31

Entry 31

The first person that came to my mind when I left was Allison. Ilang taon man na akong naninirahan sa syudad na ito at ilang tao na rin ang nakilala ko, hindi ako katulad ni Dax na nag-gain ng maraming kaibigan. Allison is the only friend I have here. Silang dalawa lang ni Dax. Kaya naman nang pumasok ako sa loob ng aking sasakyan ay mabilis ko itong pinaharurot patungo sa building ng kaibigan.

I have keys of her apartment; she gave it to me last year. No'ng tinanong ko kung bakit niya binibigay iyon sa'kin ay sabi niya pinagkakatiwalaan niya ako. I used to think that Allison is always the center of attention—hindi siya nawawalan ng mga kaibigan na nakapalibot sa kaniya noong nasa kolehiyo kami. We have different personalities. Madalas din kaming magkaroon ng misunderstanding dahil roon. Our relationship could be compare to my relationship with Dax, the only difference is that I run to my best friend and I walk away from my boyfriend.

Patay ang ilaw ng kaniyang unit nang pumasok ako at walang pag-aalinlangan na akong tumuloy sa maliit niyang living room. I messaged her that I'll be in her apartment and she texted back quickly. Ang sabi niya ay nasa byahe na siya at hindi naman niya tinanong kung bakit ako nandito. She knows me. Nakakasigurado akong alam niya nang may nangyari na namang hindi maganda sa'ming dalawa ni Dax.

I'll be lying if I'd say that I didn't want to walk away from that argument because I do. At alam kong hindi iyon patas sa parte ni Dax. He wanted us to reconcile by taking the fault alone and apologizing to me, but that's not what I want. I want him to be real with me. Pero hindi ko rin maintindihan ang sarili ko at sa tuwing sinasabi naman niya ang totoo ay nagagalit ako. Ang hirap—parang hindi ko na kilala ang sarili ko.

Is this the kind of person I wanted to become?

"Look what I got!" Allison's high-pitched voice resonated inside her quiet living room.

Tipid akong ngumiti nang mabilis siyang dumiretso sa'kin pagkapasok niya. Hindi siya nag-text na narito na agad siya dahil ang huli niyang message ay thirteen minutes ago pero hindi na rin naman ako nagulat. She's used to me being around here without her knowing and I'm very used of coming here more frequently now than before—simula nang maging madalas ang hindi pag-uwi ni Dax.

Lumapit siya sa'kin sa harap ng sofa at pinakita sa'kin ang tatlong paper bags na bitbit niya. Base sa pangalan ng brand ng nasa paper bags, alam ko na kung anong laman ng mga iyon.

"I finally bought my dream shoes and bag on Rustans!" She shrieked in triumph.

I watched her while she's in oblivion with her new shoes and bags. Namumuo ang luha sa kaniyang mga mata ngunit pinipilit niyang huwag umiyak. For the past seven years we've been friends, I learned that she doesn't like showing her real emotions, she always do the opposite. Kapag malungkot siya, lagi siyang tumatawa. At ayaw niyang nakikita siyang umiiyak.

"Hindi pwedeng umiyak hangga't hindi pa ako milyonaryo." She told me once and it reminded me of how I perceived crying before.

Ilang beses ko lang siyang nakitang umiyak sa loob ng ilang taon at lagi niyang pinipigilan ang sarili na huwag magpadala sa emosyon. I was sad watching my friend get through something I thought I finally overcome.

"Dream come true." She pouted as though she was trying her best to not burst into tears.

I smiled widely—deciding to set aside my own issue because this is about her, not me.

"First designer bag at shoes ko 'to— actually, no. You gave me a Dior bag on my birthday. But that's not counted, right? Because it's not my money, it's a gift." She debated with herself.

"Eitherway, I finally bought these with my own money! Ang tagal kong pinangarap 'to."

I'm happy for her. Alam kong materyal na bagay lang iyon at pwedeng masira kalaunan, but one thing I learned from her is that people find joy in different ways. And we can never judge them for how they make themselves happy. It's their life.