Wild Series #6: Twisted by Wild

#TBW34

Entry 34

I didn't imagine that after everything we've been through together, we'll just find ourselves twisted by our own fate. But that's one of the truths of life; it's cruel and it doesn't care about our feelings. Life will throw us things we thought we could handle at the same time, but we can't. It's just impossible.

Love is such a tricky thing that life invented. But if not because of it, I don't think I'll ever realize how much I still have to find myself because the love I give is not the love I receive from myself. Sa loob ng walong taon na nagdaan, akala ko sapat na ang pagmamahal na binibigay sa'kin ni Dax without realizing that the love I need should come from myself.

Tumayo ako sa harap ng salamin at pinagmasdan ang namumugto kong mga mata. I smiled faintly at my reflection.

This is not the person I pictured myself becoming years ago.

I wiped the tears that escaped and with my left strength, I scooped my bags and give the room one last glance before I finally exited our bedroom. Dax didn't follow when I entered our room last night and I only had half an hour sleep. Hindi pa gaanong sumisikat ang araw sa labas nang umapak ako sa aming living room at natanaw ang katawan ni Dax na nakaupo sa sofa.

He abruptly stood when he felt my presence. Katulad ko ay parehas namamaga ang aming mga mata sa parehas na dahilan na hindi kami nakatulog at umiyak lang kami magdamag.

When I met Dax, I have come to believe that Romeo and Juliet's story is real. I have come to believe that our love story is like some fairytale with happily ever after. I have come to love the idea of me being a princess, and him as my prince. I started to think that having a fairytale-like life is amazing. But turning away from Dax right now, I realized that we aren't living in a fictional book created by a writer who seeks perfection in another world. Life was never a fairytale. I am at my reality where Dax and I can grow beautifully while apart. I am no longer in the chapter where I think I can be his princess, but I will always believe that he's the best prince I ever met.

"Baby, come on. Don't do this." His voice broke as he pleads.

Nahinto siya sa kaniyang paglapit sa'kin nang makita niya ang mga bag na hawak ko. I saw how the gray storm hit his brightly sunshine eyes. The pain of last night is no compare to the pang in my chest right now.

"Please, Tri, don't do this." Pagsusumamo niya at halos manlaki ang mga mata ko nang lumuhod siya sa'king harap.

Gusto kong sigawan siya at pilitin siyang patayuin pero hindi ko magawang igalaw ang aking mga paa. Wala akong ibang nagawa kundi ipikit ang aking mga mata at hinayaan, sa huling pagkakataon, na payapang maglandas ang aking mga luha.

"Tri, please... don't do this. I can't... I c-can't..."

A sob came out of my mouth when the pain in his voice seeped into my skin. I hate hearing him pleading as if this is his death. I hate seeing him cry as if this will be the last. Because this is not the end for him. He has to know that.

"I am not the end of you. So, please, Dax, tumayo ka na." Nahihirapan kong saad.

I opened my eyes and blinked the tears away to clear my vision just to be shot with a hundred bullets straight to my heart when I saw how wrecked he is. He's kneeling five feet apart from me while his head is dipped down in exhaustion as though the strength in his muscles no longer works. And for damn sake, he's still wearing the same clothes he was in last night. He's a doctor with a complex sleep schedule, he should be sleeping right now, but look at him, he's wasting his time for me.

I hate us for that. He can't see how much we're ruining each other.

"I will... I will resign from my job. Just stay with me. Please, don't leave me. You are my home, Tri. Without you, I don't think I could do it anymore. I am gone when you're gone."