Wild Series #6: Twisted by Wild

#TBW11

Entry 11

I wasn't able to talk. I stare at him as I remained rooted at where I'm standing. Mas lumakas ang hampas ng pang-hapong hangin. Ang kulay kahel sa langit ay unti-unti nang naglalaho na anomang oras ay maaari na iyong mapalitan ng dilim. And later on, this place will be filled with lights against the dark.

He wants to court me. That wasn't the first time I heard it. Nireto ako ni Mommy sa iilang lalaki na mula sa magagandang pamilya ngunit ni isa sa kanila ay walang tumuloy na ligawan ako dahil sa ugali ko. And Dad doesn't like Mom's idea of pairing me up with any boys, kahit pa mula sila sa mga kilalang pamilya. His reason is he wants me to focus on studying.

Lumunok ako ng marahan at umawang ang mga labi ko upang magsalita ngunit walang lumabas sa bibig ko. Like I said, this isn't the first time to hear someone asking me that, however, I never experienced being courted.

I looked straight to his eyes and without forethought, I nodded. Kumunot ang kaniyang noo dahil sa hindi klarong sagot ko.

When I met Dax, all the usual things became new to me. I experienced new real things with him. And I want to know how things could possibly change between us if I will learn to love him more than friends. That's a normal life, isn't it?

I know it sounds selfish but I also want to give him a chance. I want to give us a try— that maybe, I'm wrong about myself— maybe I'm capable of falling in love— that maybe, I'm normal, too. I can love.

"Okay." I said in a low voice I'm not sure if he heard.

His expression changed but the lines in his forehead remains creasing. Tila ba naguguluhan pa rin siya sa mga sagot ko kahit mukha naman siyang masaya.

"Okay?" He asked, confused— or more like trying to confirm if he heard me right.

Muli akong tumango. "Okay." Ulit ko.

Like me, he remained rooted to where he is standing. Ni hindi siya nagtangkang humakbang ng kahit isang beses palapit sa'kin. It's like he's giving me enough space to think— to not get pressured by his presence near me.

"You sure?" Nakita ko ang multo ng ngisi sa labi niya at pansin ko ang pagpipigil niyang tumalon o ano.

I roll my eyes at him but I smiled. "Bye, Dax." Tangi kong nasabi dahil ngayon ko lang natanto na nakakahiya pala ang sagot ko.

Baka iniisip niya na ang dali-dali ko naman 'atang mapapayag ligawan?

E, ano naman ngayon? Kung 'yon ang iisipin niya ay pwede namang hindi niya ituloy ang panliligaw sa'kin.

"Walang bawian 'yan, ah! Magce-celebrate na ako pag-uwi ko tapos baka biglang magbago isip mo bukas o kaya next week?"

I only stare at him. Will it take that long for him to court me? Ilang oras, araw, buwan ba ang tinatagal bago ko malaman na gusto ko siya higit pa sa kaibigan? Or does it take years? But what if I fall to him quickly and fall out of love instantly, too? Could that be possible? I've read too many books and it seems scary to get used to things and end up not having those all the time.

But, he's just starting to court me. At hindi naman porque nililigawan niya ako ay ibigsabihin siya na dapat kong pakasalan. Isn't that right?

Then, why do they date in the first place if they don't plan on marrying?

Experience? Exploring?

Isn't that what I want? To experience normal things?

"Hindi ko babawiin." Malamig kong sagot.

I don't know where this is heading but I will ride along. With him, I know all this will be all right.

The emotions in his eyes changed, like how a fire loses its flame against a harsh blow of the wind.