Heartstopper oneshots/ requests

Tori P2

Without much more thought she slid the razor sideways across the skin on her left forearm. Blood immediately began running down her arm.

"Shit" She whispered, shocked at the mess. The feeling of dread only lasted a millisecond though. The feeling of finally letting out all this emotion felt exhilarating. Her hands stopped shaking and she slid the razor across again, harder this time. Making sure the cuts went deep.

In that moment, everything drained away. Her anger, her hurt, the painful stomach cramps she'd had for days even stopped. So she started doing it more. At first she'd wait for the cuts to almost disappear before doing it again, but the gap between when she last did it got shorter and shorter.

Tori got cleverer about where she did it too; making sure that no one could see it, even when she was in her PE kit.

"You shouldn't take any notice of them" Bella, one of the girls in Tori's PE class said after a lesson once, "Just get changed here, no one cares"

Tori refused though and rushed off to the toilets to get changed back into her uniform. None of them understood. They just thought she was self-conscious, which she was but she was more concerned about not showing the whole class her cuts. Once she was back in her uniform, Tori returned to the changing rooms, but as she was about to push the door open she heard the other girls talking about her.

"She's so weird, why is she getting changed in there?"
"Who cares, at least we don't have to see her fat thighs!"
They all laughed and Tori's heart sank.

Thankfully it was raining when she left school and she kept her hood up to hide her tear stained face on the way home.

Once she was home, Tori made her way up to her room. Not wanting to speak to anyone until she had to come downstairs to have dinner. She still didn't know how she was going to get out of that.

"I've got homework!" She called to her mum who asked what was wrong.

Her mum didn't come up the stairs to check on her which only fed into the belief that no one cared. As quickly as the feelings came, she drowned them out with the razor.

"Tori, have you got the-" Charlie came in without knocking and froze. Tori's eyes snapped up to Charlie's and an overwhelming feeling of guilt took over her. Charlie looked shocked and hurt and how could she let Charlie feel those things about her, about something she was doing?

Charlie didn't say anything, but shut the door behind him and slowly walked over and sat on her bed next to her.

As much as Charlie tried to think of something to say, no words came and he began to cry. So did Tori. All of a sudden it felt as if every thought about no one caring and everyone hating her was completely stupid. Charlie cared. Charlie had always cared and she shut him out.

She took the flannel she'd been using to mop the blood and placed it on her arm. Partly to cover the new cuts and partly to soak up the blood. They weren't that deep this time.

"How long have you been" Charlie managed to finally speak, but his voice trailed off. No one wants to say the words 'cutting yourself' out loud. Especially when it's your sister you're asking the question to.

"This is only the second time" Tori lied, "I promise" Her voice was thick from the crying
"Tori, look at your arms!" Charlie snapped, gesturing to her arms which were covered in thin, white scars, "Don't lie to me"
"It's fine- I'm fine" Tori lied again

Charlie didn't say anything for a second as he tried to process everything.

"Why?" He said quietly, looking into Tori's eyes as if they would reveal everything.
Tori shrugged.
"Tori!" Charlie raised his voice and Tori immediately shushed him, "Is it because of this boy you've been seeing?" His eyes were filled with tears.
Tori scoffed, "There is no boy"
"Then why?" Charlie pushed for an answer, trying to look past the fact Tori had lied about meeting a boy.
Tori looked down at her lap and didn't say anything.

There was a short pause.

"I'll tell if you tell" Charlie mumbled and Tori immediately looked up.

When they were kids and one of them wanted the other to tell them something they would say, 'I'll tell if you tell'. Which meant they both had to say a secret and if one of them didn't, they didn't they'd get a forfeit. It worked 99% of the time.

As kids, the secrets were stupid things like someone held their hand in the playground and the other would make something up just to not get a forfeit. But it always made the one with the secret tell the truth.

Using it in this context had a sadness about it, but Tori couldn't help but crack a small smile. It had been months since they'd laughed together or referenced their childhood.

"You first" She muttered and put the razor back in her bedside drawer
"Okay" Charlie thought for a second, they were old enough now to both tell an actual secret, "Sometimes I skip meals because I think I'm getting fat"

Tori's heart suddenly felt like it was in her throat as she fought back tears. She had no idea Charlie felt like that too; her little brother who was perfect in every way felt self conscious. To the point that he sometimes wouldn't eat.

It didn't help that Charlie said it so blasé, as if it meant nothing. Tori tended to her cuts, peeling the flannel off and dabbing them. Making sure they weren't bleeding anymore.

Charlie watched her with so much sadness on his face. How could his sister be doing this to herself and he not notice?

"Your turn" Charlie pressed on, although there was a lump in his throat
Tori sighed, putting the flannel on her bedside table and pushing her hair off her shoulders.
"These girls" She started, grabbing her hoodie jacket that was next to her on the bed and pulled it on to cover her arms.

"Sometimes they say stuff about me and at first I ignored it, but then" She paused, trying to make sure her voice didn't shake, "I started to believe them-"
"What did they say?" Charlie drew his knees up to his face and listened to Tori intently as she told him everything.

About how the girls at school started saying that her thighs were too fat, that she nearly cut her hair off because they said it looked stupid but she was scared of causing a scene at home. Then she revealed that she hadn't eaten a full meal in weeks; that she only ate what she absolutely had to and that she still wasn't losing weight.

She told Charlie how no one had noticed she was skipping meals and that just made her feel worthless. So she started cutting to relieve all these emotions she was feeling.

By the time she had finished, Charlie had nothing to say. So he hugged her and told her how loved she was and that he'd help her. That together they were going to get better. He would stop skipping meals and she would start being home for dinner.

Tori gave Charlie the razor and she promised she was going to stop hurting herself.

"Dinner you two!" Their mum called from downstairs. They both looked at each other and gave a small nod.

They were going to sit down with their parents and eat a meal. Properly. No excuses.

"We'll do it together" Charlie reassured Tori as they got to the top of the stairs.

Thanks again for the request mati_A10
Now I've gotta get back to writing about boring health and safety training and why your business needs it 🙄 (I'm a copywriter among other things haha)