Heartstopper oneshots/ requests

The baby P1

BTR4ever2022 - here's part one!

Disclaimer: This one shot will have multiple parts. It's about Charlie being transgender, I've tried to write as factually as I can from what I understand about ftm transitioning. I follow some people who are/ have transitioned and, as I say, I've written as I understand it. Please correct me/ suggest changes where you see fit, I want to learn! Anyways, enjoy. This is a bit of a different one and is longer rather than a short, quick chapter. Happy reading I guess :)

Nick had one hand above Charlie's head and the other on his side. He was slightly out of breath having just been making out with Charlie and his eyes were exploring Charlie's face. Taking in every one of his features, he dragged his fingers up Charlie's torso which made his t-shirt ride up slightly. This freaked Charlie out and he sat up quickly.

Nick struggled to get off him quick enough, "W-what's wrong?" Nick said, alarmed, "I'm so sorry if I took it too far, I don't want you to be uncomfortable, I won't do that again-"
"I-It's not you" Charlie stuttered, his heart suddenly racing at what felt like a hundred miles an hour - and not in a good way.

"I- um, I need to tell you something" Charlie tried to swallow, but his mouth was dry, "I should have told you sooner I um- oh god" He rubbed his face.

Nick felt sick and he bit his lip nervously, watching Charlie intently. Trying to work out what it was he was going to say.

"Once I've told you, it's fine if you want to stop seeing me, I completely understand. If anything I'm the bad one for keeping it from you for so long - mum kept saying to me I should tell you, oh god-" Charlie rambled
"Will you just tell me?" Nick snapped, running a hand through his hair.

"I don't know how!" Charlie shot back in frustration, getting up from his bed and pacing around, "If I just show you" He muttered, going to his wardrobe and taking one of his binders out. He held it out in front of his chest and looked down at it, not wanting to meet Nick's eyes.

"What's-" Nick started, moving forward on the bed as if getting closer would help him work it out.
"It's a binder" Charlie stated dryly, finally looking up to meet Nick's gaze, "It's um, it's what people wear to make their chest flatter" He went on, "And I um" He sighed deeply, frustrated at how hard this was to say, "I wear them because I-" His voice shook and he could feel the tears pricking his eyes, "I was-" He tried to get the words out, but couldn't and began to cry. He drew the binder up to his face to cover it, he couldn't do this. Nick was sure to leave him, he'd be so angry that he didn't tell him sooner, but worst of all, he'll be hurt. Which is the last thing Charlie wanted to do to Nick.

"Char" Nick's voice was desperate. He rushed over to pull Charlie into a hug which Charlie accepted, letting himself lean on Nick's chest. The place he felt safest and the place he was sure he wasn't going to have anymore which just made him cry harder.

"Char, please talk to me" Nick said softly, his voice a mix of concern and care, "It's okay, you're safe" He reassured, just like he did when Charlie was having a panic attack. Thinking about that now made Charlie properly sob. They were so good together and now he was about to throw it all away. He should have told him sooner, he should have said something. He shouldn't have led Nick on for this long.

Charlie rested on Nick's chest for a minute longer. Nick didn't say anything, he just let Charlie cry until his sobs had reduced to sniffs.

Taking a deep breath to brace himself, Charlie said into Nick's chest, "I'm trans" His voice was shaky and muffled.

Nick immediately pulled away from him and held him by his shoulders at arms length which made Charlie's heart sink. He knew this would happen.

"That's it?" Nick sounded relieved which confused Charlie.
He nodded slowly, still sniffing.
"Ah, thank god!" Nick allowed himself to laugh, releasing all the tension he'd felt.

Charlie went on to explain that he'd started to transition a couple of years ago and had started testerone.

"My voice was the first thing to change" He explained, "Then my face shape and my hands" He continued, holding up his right hand in front of his face, "My old rings didn't fit me anymore. But I haven't-" He stopped, trying to keep his voice strong, this was the bit that was going to be hardest to say, "I haven't had any surgeries yet, I mean I was lucky to get on T so quickly, some people have to wait years and the waiting list for the operations are ridiculous, some people go private but I can't afford that - and I have to wait till I'm 18 anyway" Charlie rambled nervously.

All of this had happened almost three months ago and with more conversations about it, Charlie started to feel even more comfortable. Which all led up to their holiday, emotions were high.

They were in Spain with Nick's family, but had their own hotel room. Nick didn't know, but Charlie had made up his mind. This was where he wanted to go all the way with Nick - only if he wanted to of course.

But Charlie was ready, Nick accepted him and he hadn't felt safer with someone before. He wanted to show Nick how comfortable he was with him and this felt like the next logical step in their relationship. Charlie was worried about feeling dysphoric, but he assured himself that they could just do it like two cis men do. It'll be fine. He'll keep his binder on.

"And you're we don't need protection or anything?" Nick had asked and Charlie shook his head.
"It's basically impossible for me to get pregnant and neither of us have been with anyone else, we're not going to give each other anything" Charlie explained, having thought a lot about this.

So the couple went ahead. It was awkward at first, but it didn't take them long to get into it. They truly loved each other and this was a long time coming. It wasn't like they'd rushed into it, they were both ready. It did hurt at first, but Nick was gentle. So was Charlie and they kept talking to each other, making sure they were okay with everything they were doing.

From that day on they were closer than they had ever been. Charlie started to finally accept himself and for the first time ever, thought that he didn't need to have the surgeries to feel complete.

Charlie was the happiest he'd ever been and he felt good too. That was until the second day back at school, he couldn't put his finger on it but he just didn't feel right.

It wasn't bad enough to worry Nick about it though, so he kept it to himself.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Nick furrowed his eyebrows, "You don't look well" He added.

It was true, Charlie's face did look pale. They were sat just outside on one of the picnic tables, the sun was out yet there was a cool breeze blowing through the grounds.

"I'm fine, honestly" Charlie forced a laugh but stopped abruptly, he felt the sudden urge to throw up which Nick picked up on immediately and took him to the school toilets. The door to which was luckily on the outside of the building.

Nick waited patiently outside the cubicle for Charlie to be done. Nick hated people throwing up, there was something about the sound of it and the fact he could do nothing to help.

"I'm taking you to the doctors" Nick stated as soon as Charlie emerged
"No! Honestly I'm fine-"
"Nope, I'm not taking no for an answer, there's something wrong with you!" Nick protested, wrapping a protective arm around Nick's waist.

True to his word, after school, Nick walked Charlie to the nearest surgery which was about ten minutes from the school.

"We probably won't get an appointment"
"Well, we'll make one then" Nick shot back. He was very stubborn, something Charlie found equally endearing and annoying.

Charlie was right, they couldn't get an appointment but, again, true to his word, Nick made one. The only appointment they had was for a week's time and by the time the appointment rolled around, Charlie had a pit in his stomach. He had an inkling of what might be wrong.

He hadn't slept at all the night before the appointment, thoughts were going round and round in his head. What if I am? What will we do? What will people say?

Part 2 coming soon!