Heartstopper oneshots/ requests

Nick goes to therapy

A new oneshot inspired by the requests for more Nick angst. I really liked writing this - there's a part two which I'll publish tomorrow :)

Nick had been getting good at hiding how bad things were getting. It had been going on a while now, the spiralling. It started after a stupid little fight with Charlie. Nick knew it was stupid and that it shouldn't have caused him to start spiralling again, but it had.

His old therapist had described the spiralling like turning off a light in a house. Once it was dark in the house, the mouse came out. His house being his mind and the mouse being his obsessive thought. Usually, with the lights on, he could keep the mouse away but if the lights went out, the mouse would come out. This time it was the stupid argument with Charlie that turned the lights off. Which was stupid, the lights hadn't been off for ages. Why had something so small made them turn off? What made it worse was when it's dark, he couldn't find the light switch easily. What worked once to turn the lights back on might not work again. Why did the switch keep moving?

"But there's ways you can find the switch in the dark, Nick" He had said, Nick could still hear his voice now. Except the ways he told him weren't working. It had been weeks over scrambling in the dark and he was tired.

He didn't want to tell Charlie because he was worried that Charlie would think this was his fault. That's what he thinks about most things, that's it's somehow his fault. Nick knew it wasn't, but he didn't want him to think it was so he didn't kept quiet.

The more he beat himself up, the darker it seemed to get. It didn't help that since the stupid argument, the two of them hadn't been the same. There were differences, Charlie seemed more distant and Nick blamed himself for that. He had started the argument, it was all his fault and he couldn't stop those thoughts going around and around in his head.

Even when he tried thinking about other things those things felt wrong and he always went back to thinking about Charlie and how he always messing things up. Those thoughts felt like putting on a comfy hoodie. You'd worn it so many times it just fell into place and kept you just the right amount of warm.

So Nick kept thinking and thinking and thinking. He'd pick and bite at the skin around his nails, that was the first thing his mum noticed. She knew he was struggling again, that was always one of the first signs. How sore his fingers are.

It was a Friday evening and usually Nick and Charlie would be around one of their houses hanging out, but not this time. Another thing Nick was obsessing over - why was that? Was Charlie breaking up with him? Did he just want distance, but then why would he want that if everything was okay?

"Nicky" Sarah's voice cut through Nick's thoughts and brought him back to the present moment. He noticed he was biting his finger again. Firmly pressing it into his teeth to rip the skin around his nail. He wasn't even paying attention to the film they were watching.

"You're doing it again" She said, she had pointed it out to him yesterday. Nick put his hand in his lap and looked at her. Her eyes were full of worry, he knew that she knew something was wrong.

"Sorry" Nick whispered, but he didn't look away. He wanted to say more, he was grateful she had noticed. Someone had noticed something was up. He was struggling, had been for weeks now and as much as he wanted to hide it from everyone he knew that secretly he wanted someone to notice. Someone to want to help and this was his chance.

They continued to hold eye contact for another few seconds before Sarah spoke, "Nick, is everything-"
"No" Nick cut her off and threw his arms around her just in time to hide his tears.

Once the tears had stopped coming, Nick pulled away, "I think-" He started, but his voice was hoarse so he tried again, "I think I need to go back to Simon"
Sarah curled her lips into her mouth and held them tight, trying hard to fight back the tears. Nick could tell that she was trying not to cry and added, "I'm sorry I've disappointed you, I-"
"No, darling, no. You haven't disappointed me" Sarah's voice shook slightly, "I'm just so proud that you could tell me and that you want to get better"
"If Simon's too expensive I can find something- someone else"
"No, no Darling, we'll manage - I can manage" She corrected, "If you want to see him again I'll book an appointment tomorrow" She smiled, "I'm so proud of you Nicky"

Nick's heart melted at her words. He knew this was the right thing to do, he couldn't let the darkness win.

:')

Lemme know what you think and vote if you liked it! See you tomorrow :)