Heartstopper oneshots/ requests

Ben comes to Charlie for advice P2

@clover2015

Tw: Panic attack/ being overwhelmed

Charlie walked into his room to see Ben sat on his desk chair on his phone.

"You can sit on my bed you know" Charlie laughed slightly

"Oh, I wasn't sure- are you sure you're allowed tea upstairs?" Ben quickly added, seeing the two mugs in Charlie's hands

"Oh, yeah it's fine - here" Charlie handed Ben a mug, "So how come you're speaking to me about all this and not y/n?" Charlie asked, sitting on his bed and cupping his mug of tea with both hands.

Ben looked down at the tea in his hands for a second before looking Charlie in the eyes and saying, "Do you remember when we had that argument after we met after your rugby practise?"

"Yeah?'"

"You said that you, out of all people would understand if I was questioning my sexuality" Ben broke the eye contact by looking down at his tea again, "And I knew you would understand , I just-" He took a deep breath, "I'm sorry I treated you like shit, you're such a good person and I'm-" Ben trailed off, "Can I put this down somewhere?"

"Oh, yeah. There's a coaster behind you" Charlie pointed to his desk.

Ben turned to put the mug down, "Thanks"

"Are all of your family homophobic?" Charlie asked, taking this strange and rare opportunity to get to know Ben's family more.

The whole time they were 'seeing each other', Ben didn't want Charlie to know much about his family. Now, Charlie could understand that but back then Ben just seemed so ambiguous.

"Yeah, well - I think one of my cousins is gay, but obviously we don't talk about it - are you family okay with you being gay?"

"Yeah, the people that know at least. I'm sorry your family isn't"

Ben smiled sadly then turned to get his tea. He took a sip, "You make good tea"

Charlie laughed, "Thanks, sorry - I just assumed you liked tea"

"I love it, I'm only allowed one cup every day though. Mum says caffeine is like poison" Ben says, putting his tea back on the coaster

"Tea isn't that bad though, is it - coffee is worse"

Charlie didn't notice but Ben clenched his jaw, "Sometimes I just wish I could run away, like just leave home"

Ben had never spoken badly about his mum to anyone before, but he felt now was as good a time as any.

"It's just so shit at home, like I feel like I can't do anything. Mum, she gets in these moods and it's like you can't do anything right. I always try to keep her in a good mood, I have to always be happy and laughing and joking around to make her happy and it's so fucking draining I just-" Ben took a deep breath, "I sometimes just want to run away, just get away from everything because being in that house is so-" He took another breath, "Draining and it's like it doesn't matter what I do, I'm always the one in the wrong. I'm always-" He took another breath, stood up and started pacing around Charlie's room.

Charlie just watched and listened although he knew too well what was happening.

"I'm always the enemy, it's like- like I shouldn't have been born. Sometimes I fucking wish I wasn't because everyone would be better off-" His voice broke, "God, I'm so sorry Charlie, I'm so fucking stupid!" Ben clenched his hands and hit his head with his fists, "Everything's just so fucked up-"

"Hey, Ben, stop" Charlie got up and pulled Ben's hands away from his head, "Come on" He pulled him to his bed and Ben sat down. Charlie sat next to him and put his arm around him, "It's okay - you're going to be okay" Charlie reiterated.

We love an abrupt ending