Heartstopper oneshots/ requests

The voice in Charlie's head

A request for JuliaLipowskaHaha - I hope you like it and sorry I took so long!!

Also, did y'all see the teaser for Season 2!?! I'm so excited to see the Paris trip!! Sorry for not updating this in a while (almost a month!) I'm just finding it hard to find the motivation to write atm but I'm getting there.

Tw: Panic attack ish, self doubts and self harm mention

It was another bad day and Charlie knew where this bad day was taking him. Yet he tried hard to not let it get the best of him. He tried to fight it as best he could. He didn't want it to ruin what would be a good day.

He was going to Nick's tonight and he wanted to just enjoy it for what it was. Him and Nick were new to each other, they had been officially dating only a few weeks so he needed to enjoy every minute because he was sure Nick was going to break up with him.

As soon as a nice girl came around or someone better than him - which he thought was everyone - he had convinced himself that Nick would leave. So he needed to pull himself together and enjoy this for now.

Which made it all the more frustrating that he was having a bad day. All the bad voices in his head were louder and more critical than usual.

By the time it was time to go to Nick's, Charlie was exhausted. He had been fighting all day. Not that anyone knew which was half the battle. Making sure that no one found out.

He was so in his own head that Charlie hadn't even noticed that they were at Nicks. Hopefully Nick hadn't been talking and he'd just ignored him.

As soon as Nick shut his bedroom door they were all over each other. For Charlie, a closed door was his sign to be free again. He spent all his time trying so hard to not touch Nick, not let on that they were more than friends. So as soon as that door closed, he could finally respond to the urges.

It was fun to have someone like that. Just mucking around and being in the moment with each other. Then they played Mario Kart as always and that's when Charlie's mind started racing again. Like it had all day. Which made him notice how it stopped when he was making out with Nick.

It was like doing that made him finally be in the moment and it shut up that voice in his head. He tried to fight it for a while, to concentrate on the levels they were playing.

"Don't you think?" Nick glanced quickly at Charlie. He had obviously said something that Charlie had completely missed.

"What?" Charlie returned the glance a little too late, Nick was paying attention to the screen again.

"I'm getting better at this?" Nick gestured to the screen with his hands holding the remote
"Oh yeah, I used to always beat you. Now it's like 60/40" Charlie laughed, feeling a little lighter.

Nick brought him out of himself and he was grateful for that, but as soon as it was silent again he was back to his own thoughts. Which only lasted so long before he had to excuse himself.

It had been a long day and there was only so long he could stay strong for. He had to let it win, even if it was just for five minutes.

"Could you pause it, I'm just gonna-" Charlie said getting up
"Yeah, but hurry up - I'm winning!" Nick called out afterwards, but Charlie hadn't heard.

All he could hear was the blood rushing around his head and his breath quickening. Thankfully, Nick's bathroom was just across from his room and it was empty.

Charlie slipped inside and allowed himself to properly gasp for air. The hot tears rolled down his cheeks and dripped off his jawbone. Then he covered his mouth with both hands, trying his best to muffle the sound of his crying.