Bound to You - Steve Rogers

Chapter 24

I don't know why : Star Cast

Grudgingly you fell onto your unmade bed. You had no more energy to do anything else right now. But you caught a scent; a scent so familiar yet foreign. It makes your chest tighten and brings back the tears that just stop. It was his scent. Lingering on the bed sheets from all the moments spent together wrapped in them, making you relive them over and over. A reminder that you're alone again.

The voice inside your head wouldn't shut up. You are not pretty enough, not fit enough. You're not smart nor a good agent. You are nothing but a fuck up. You don't deserve him. He needs someone perfect just as he is, someone like Peggy.

You had to admit Peggy was gorgeous. Anyone with eyes could see that. Long legs that went for miles, bright eyes and with or without makeup she looked flawless. You looked down at yourself, trying to make yourself smaller, trying to suck in your stomach. Shape your body to perfection. You have always been self-conscious about your body and it's left you with so many insecurities and mental health problems.

It's not that you were unhealthy but you never saw yourself as perfect. Even after years of dieting and exercise as well as some extremities that took you a while to get out of habit, nothing changed. So you thought it was better to love yourself instead of waiting for someone else to love you.

Then you thought you finally found someone who did.

Seeing the man you fell deeply in love with, looking at someone else who was everything you weren't brought you back to a dark place. No one has ever dared to look twice in your direction. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride type of situation. With Steve you thought that maybe, just maybe you could be the bride. Now it seems it was all just a fantasy that you put in your head.

No one will ever look at you that way.

You're far from a saint. The things you have done, you still have morals and ethics but that doesn't mean you haven't done some questionable things. You weren't a hero. You weren't going to inspire young girls to be whatever they want. You weren't Peggy Carter.

That's when you hear a knock. You ignore it, having no will to talk to anyone. Nothing anyone says could mend your heart back. You thought as long as you don't answer they will go away. But the knocking continued until it stopped. You were happy that they left you alone. That was until the door opened with Sam and Nat standing there with comfort food and alcohol. Neither of them was bloody so Steve is still alive.

Sam saw your tear-stained cheeks and went over beside you to wipe them away. "Don't do this to yourself, toots." His heart ached to see you, this amazing badass fierce woman breaking down because of a stupid guy who can't see what is in front of him. " Do what?" You looked up at him through your glossy eyes. "Bring yourself down" Sam started to lightly rub his fingers through your hair. Nat got on to the other side of you and rubbed your back. "B-but it's all true. He even said it himself not so long ago. I-it's all true." You managed to choke out the words, but both of them could hear your heartbreak.

"He is just a big dumb idiot, ok. You are more than you think. Sam and I see it. So do a lot of other people, you just have to start." Nat always knew the right words to say whenever you were bringing yourself down. "Nat's right. You're one sexy, badass, smart, funny, amazing human being. Ok, and as your best friend I will tell you all of this until the day I die."

Sam comforted you in his arms. And while you did love Sam and he was easing some of the pain you wanted nothing more than to be laying in Steve's. To feel his breath against you, to have his fingers tracing circles on your back. Burying your face deeper into the abyss you sobbed harder than ever. The first and only man you'd ever truly loved had shattered your heart completely.