Bound to You - Steve Rogers

Chapter 27

Nightmare: Halsey

I've tasted blood and it is sweet
I've had the rug pulled beneath my feet
I've trusted lies and trusted men
Broke down and put myself back together again
Stared in the mirror and punched it to shatters
Collected the pieces and picked out a dagger

There was something about the nighttime that made it one of the best times to work. The peacefulness the moon brings or how the stars decorate the sky. There was no rush, no demand, a time where you could exist. It was the best time to be productive, a time you were taking advantage of. Papers were thrown across the dining room table, holograms lit up around you and your head was in your hands.

You hated this mission, absolutely despised it. It's been dragging on for longer than it should be. There were times when you wanted to quit and let Hydra create their army. But yet you haven't. You still work on solving the clues to find who is the mastermind behind it all. Because you didn't know what to do if you did stop. It was becoming hard to pretend that everything was alright. Hard to even think about what you'd do with yourself if you weren't fighting.

"Hey, there stranger. Long time, no see." Bucky stands leaning against the door frame. He has two mugs in his hand, probably something warm and caffeinated just what you need right about now. "Nightmare?" You ask as he sits down handing you a mug. "Not this time. I just couldn't fall asleep." He replied, eyes scanning over the various piles of information.

"When was the last time you got a decent amount of sleep? You look like shit" You don't want to answer. Instead, you bring the mug up to your lips, take a sip of the liquid inside and look away. He calls your name once more drawing your attention back to him.

Letting out a sigh you give him an answer, not knowing what good it will do. "Two months." You could see him calculating the time in his head. "That's when you and Steve broke up." You try to hide the flinch but the trained assassin's eyes say. Bucky gave you an apologetic look, not meaning to sound so harsh but it was true, you haven't gotten a decent amount of sleep since then.

"I relied on him too much. To keep the nightmare away or to soothe me back to sleep. Now when I close my eyes I either see the horrors I've done or him." You throw your head back trying to keep the tears inside your eyes. "It just proves my dickass biological father right. I'm fucking weak and pathetic."

"You're not weak or pathetic. You learned to love after being conditioned to believe it doesn't exist and that takes strength." You look at Bucky. His face was illuminated by the soft light in the room. If it were anyone else telling you this you doubt you'd believe them, but you're still wary of his words.

Love is what makes a person weak. It's the greatest weapon. It's as if Bucky could read your mind, they next he said, argued your thoughts. "Loving someone takes strength. You gave Steve your trust, your love and he will forever be an idiot for letting it go." With that, you definitely did agree. At least for the most part. Sometimes you feel like the idiot. You weren't blind to the way Steve's eye lit up at the idea of Peggy or how he spent just a little while looking at her picture. You even know where he went when he was gone all day. Still, you kept the earrings in, ones he gave you to tell you that he'd always be by your side even if he wasn't physically there.

It was better to have a small piece of him left than nothing at all.

"He also relied on you too." You met Bucky's eyes, knowing that he is telling the truth. "That punk always thought that he had to be strong. For his Ma, me and the rest of the world, but with you, he was finally vulnerable." Bucky looks down at his hands, playing with the light with his metal arm. "He helped everyone here with their nightmares and never asked for help with his. I think it's the survivors' guilt." He looks back up at you. "But just being with you helped."