Marvel Imagines pt. 5

Tattoo disasters ❤️‍🔥 Steve Rogers (request)

Song: Ezekiel - help yourself (Dyn remix instrumental)

Imagine; you have a Hydra tattoo and Steve hates looking at it.

Warnings: self harm- You inflict injury on yourself, angst, fluff, Steve being worried. Blood.

•••

He denies it, the nerve of him to even do so makes bile rise in your throat, while the hot water cascades down both your bodies.

You know Steve like the back of your hand, after years of dating him, 10 to be exact, you know him better than anyone, even Bucky.

So when he tells you he's not bothered by the tattoo on your collarbone when he makes that face at you, you don't believe a word. As the water goes over it, so go his eyes. It's then that you can see the hatred flash his blues, you can see the distain on his face. His jaw tensing and flexing before his eyes meet yours again. A smile plays on his lips and it feels like relief to see him smile once again, but it's always short lived.

'I gotta go, mission debrief and all...' he kisses you swiftly. You give him a small nod before he exits the shower.

Within 5 minutes he is completely gone from the bathroom and probably halfway towards the offices already. Leaving you with the burden of the damn tattoo that represents the worst time you've been through. It's supposed to victorious to look at, that you overcame and have overthrown them, but you can't shake the look on Steve's face when his eyes flash over it.

You've tried to get it removed, ever since you saw the way Steve changes because of it. But no tattoo removal shop would take the job, all sensitive to the fact that you've been a part of them.

You could always just take care of it yourself.

It's not the best idea, you have no medical background and you know it will hurt like hell, but maybe -just maybe- he will finally stop giving you that look he so insists he's not giving.

•••

'How's Y/n?' Bucky asks as he pops some candy in his mouth.

'She's good, she seemed a bit off today though..don't know why.. I'll ask her when I get back...'

'You Think she's having another episode?'  Bucky asks. He's all too familiar with those, an off day can turn into a worse day.

'No, I would have noticed if she did...she hasn't had one in ages too.. it's probably something small...' he shrugs.

'You don't sound too sure...' he replies.

Steve is about to answer his friend once more but gets interrupted by Tony's AI. He loathes the thing but he has a feeling this might be something urgent this time.

'Captain, you should hurry... something is wrong with Miss Y/n..'

'I told you...' Steve shoots out of his seat together with his best friend and leaps for your shared room.

'Y/n!' He yells as soon as the door swings open. 'Where are you doll?' He asks as he searches through the apartment Tony has created for you.

'She's in the bathroom...' The AI answers.

He pulls the door off of its hinges, Tony will fix it anyway, and finds something he was in no way prepared for.

You're laying uncomfortably against the wall. Your eyes hazy and blood seeping from beneath your collarbone. A bloody knife is still resting in your hand. What did you do?

'I'll get a doctor...' Bucky rushes to the hallway again.

Steve kneels in front of you with a pained look in his eyes. 'Y/n, what did you do?' He whispers as he tried to grab your attention.

"Shit..' you rasp. 'Is it gone?'

'Is what-' he stops mid sentence, realizing what you're talking about. 'Doll..' he breathes. 'Why?'

'Why?' You almost mock him. 'Really?' You try to push yourself up more but hiss at the pain it causes.

'Just lay back okay?' He quickly grabs the towel nearby and presses it onto the wound. Crimson already tainting the white fabric.

'You hate it... you hate looking at it...' you drawl out. 'So I made it go away...' you're slipping and he knows it.

He can hear your heartbeat become slower, your speech gets slurred more and more. 'Stay awake you hear?'

'Couldn't stand.. the look... you gave me...'

'Stay awake...' he replies. His heart hurst in his chest from your words. 'C'mon...'

Of course that didn't kill you, because why, after everything you had to go through, would inflicting that on yourself just end you?

And seeing Steve's face scrunched up like this, you kind of wished it would have.

It's been silent ever since you woke up again, an ugly scar already forming on your body. There were less drastic ways but, you're impulsive and stupid.

'Steve..' you sigh.

'How could you do that to yourself? You almost died-'

You scoff at that. 'I didn't almost die from that paper cut... and I did it because I couldn't stand the ducking look on your face anymore!' Your anger makes your heartbeat spike but you don't care.

'What look-'

'Fucking hell Steve- tell me to watch my language right now I fucking dare you... you wanna know what look you give me? You look at me like I'm disgusting! You've got so much hatred and disgust in your eyes when you see the thing... and I get it, trust me I do but it's getting ridiculous, and are there other ways to do it? Sure! But I was so tired of having to see you change your whole attitude whenever your eyes land on it...'

He stays silent, gobsmacked by your outburst that clearly has been coming for a long time. He feels a lump form in his throat when he sees the sadness and anger swirl your eyes.

'Why didn't you say anything?' He carefully asks.

'Because I know you can't just change that with a snap of the fingers, so I let it go but enough is enough... I don't deserve this after everything I had to go through that got me here...' you close your eyes, angry tears escaping them rapidly.

'I'm sorry...' he grabs one hand while his other goes up to your cheek to wipe it from the salt filled orbs. 'I'm sorry that you thought you had to go this far for me to look at it differently... I'm sorry I've been such an idiot to drive you to this... you're right.. you don't deserve this...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...' he repeats over and over again.

'I would never think such a thing about you... and honestly, the grudge towards them has grown out of proportion.. it's.. childish really... I know you're not one of them... you're my girl...'

'I get it... I do.. it's hard keeping the smile you give me and the disgust in your eyes when you look down, apart...'

'I'll try to keep it to a minimum, although.. you kind of made it harder for me..'

'Okay so.. I'm sorry about that... you weren't supposed to find me like that...' you sigh. Laying your hand on the one that's on your cheek.

'Guess were both idiots then...'

'Yeah... we are...'