Say Anything | Steve Harrington |

Ch. 0 Dear Steve...

Dear Steve,

I haven't been adjusting well since we moved. I've never wanted to live in a big city or move to a place like California but we both know none of us chose this place.

   Lenora Hills is the polar opposite of Hawkins, but it goes to show that no matter the town each high school is the same. Will's been doing okay, he hasn't made many new friends... only talking to others when he has to. Jonathan hasn't been the same since we left and I don't think it's going to get better over time but his friend Argyle has been helping him through this tough time, even though Mom doesn't agree with his methods of relaxing.

   El isn't doing well... She has me proofread her letters to Mike to check for any "embarrassing mistakes" though I doubt Mike would ever care. But, she has been lying to him. She isn't happy here, she's trying the hardest she can to not let everything get to her but I worry she's nearing her breaking point but she's still the sweetest.

   And Mom's still a scatter-brain, incase you were wondering. I think she's a bit on edge. As each day passes her worry grows that things are going to start back up, doesn't matter how many times we tell her it's over.

I feel like an idiot writing this if I'm going to be honest. I don't know why I'm doing it anyway... My new Guidance Counselor, Ms. Lindy, says that writing down my thoughts as "if they'd be read by someone I love" will help with how I've been feeling these days. And I guess, maybe she's kind of right?

   We haven't talked in a while, you've been busy with work and I've... I don't really know what my problem has been these days. Days keep blending together and my erratic sleep schedule hasn't been helping.

   I've been zoning out a lot, it's become a bit of a problem. I don't even realize I'm doing it half the time. Visits with the counselor have been frequent and she's way unqualified but then again I don't think anyone has been trained to treat what we've all been through.

But for once my nightmares don't consist of the Upside Down, so that's a win, right? I can't tell if they're getting worse or not. Strangely enough, the dreams themselves aren't particularly horrifying. It's the feeling that comes with it... It's like a sudden panic. I wake up in a cold sweat, shaking.

   The anxiety attacks come in waves but hopefully, it'll all be over soon. I think I'm ready to talk to Mom about all of this... Maybe she'll know what's wrong. I mean, Ms. Lindy can't offer a solution to all of my problems, most of them don't work anyways.

But, I guess Ms. Lindy was right about one thing... This does help.

Anyways, I hope you know that I miss you.

   Love,
Nellie