Say Anything | Steve Harrington |

Ch. 1 Fragments

TW : Allusion To Abuse

It came back in waves, remembering fragments of what had happened when I was younger. Nothing too strange or out of the ordinary and yet I felt a strange tug in my gut when I thought too hard about it.

Trauma is complicated, differing between each person from the symptoms to the cause. Childhood trauma is the same... in some cases, the only difference in some cases is that the developing brain will either A. Block out the trauma and any memory connected to it. Or B. Cling to the memory and allow it to fester.

I can't remember much from that time.

I was too young to understand what was happening yet now things were coming back in waves. Fragments. I can still feel the fear that coursed through my veins, that made my blood run cold and left me shaking in my hospital bed for what felt like hours.

I understand that feeling now, I was just scared of the unknown, but still, I felt as helpless as I once had.

It was the first time in my life that Jonathan and I had been separated, the reason wasn't clear at the time and yet I understood why he couldn't be in the room with me. I understood why Mom had to lie to me to keep me calm, maybe to even keep herself calm. Nothing was gonna hurt me, we'd gone to the hospital for help. But why does it only come back in waves?

What happened?

~~~

A young girl sat perched on the edge of her hospital bed, her legs shaking from the anxiety that coursed through her veins. With every sniffle, her shoulders would rise; resulting in the oversized hospital gown slipping down one shoulder before she would dejectedly tug it back into place. Her hands repeatedly scrunched the material of the gown in a poor attempt to relieve the uneasiness that ate away at her gut.

The sound of the door to her room being pushed open caused her to jump in her place, wide eyes landing on her mother who stood awkwardly halfway through the door. Even a child could piece together that this meant her mother wasn't allowed in the room.

"Everything alright, honey? Tell mama what's got you all worked up..." Her mother's soothing voice calmed her rapidly beating heart. "I'm scared..." She sniffles out, watching as her mother's gaze awkwardly bounced between her and whoever lingered outside the door beside her.

"Hey... It's okay. There's nothing to be afraid of, okay? They just need to run a few tests. It's nothing to be worried about." Her words did little to soothe the girl as she quickly shook her head at her mother's words.

"Something's wrong... here. I don't like this place..." She admitted, whispering the last part out of fear that the wrong person would hear her.

Her mother's eyes filled with worry but her face scrunched in contemplation of what she could do.

Turning her head to face whoever stood outside, the girl listened as her mother whispered desperately to them.

"I can only give you a minute." The voice was soft yet firm, holding the regret he felt from keeping a mother from her child. "That's fine... Just give me a minute and she'll be ready."

The door pushed open fully to reveal her mother's pregnant form. Carefully approaching her daughter, she smiled down at her sadly. "Hey... There's my strong girl."

Shaking her head again, her anxious hands moved to play with the hem of the maroon shirt her mother wore, the material just barely concealing the bump that rested there. "I don't like it here... Where's Jon-" Her mother hushed quickly, forcefully placing a hand over her mouth before she could say her brother's name.