Once you clicked your door shut, you leaned your back against as you slid down to the ground absolutely breaking. You brought your knees up to your chest and shoved your head into your knees. What was happening? I mean you could find multiple answers but just why? Why Erwin?
A soft knock erupted in your wooden door causing you to jolt to your feet. Your eyes widened with fear as you took a step back.
"Who is it?" You quickly asked and instantly relaxed at the voice from the opposing side of the door. Captain Levi. You exhaled as you unlocked your door and opened it slowly. You were greeted with Levi holding a tray of food and two cups of tea. In all honesty, you had no idea why he was being so generous with you. It baffled you completely.
" I heard you sobbing in front of the door." He spoke in his normal monotoned voice. "You sound like an ugly crier" he tried to joked as he took a few steps into the room. After a minute of reply he looked back up at you. "Too far?" You shook your head with a small smile as you grabbed one of the cups from Levi's hand and planted yourself on the edge of your bed.
"Captain sir." You started, your eyes scanning the tea in your hand. "Why do you feel obligated to be nice to me?" He almost looked shock at your question but he exhaled softly.
"Because I feel this is my fault. I feel responsible." He spoke quiet. "For Erwin, for what's happening to him." He brought his free hand and ran it through his hair as if a wave of stress washed over him.
"But it's not your fault. It's mine, Levi. Erwin refused and if I didn't speak up, then he wouldn't have changed his mind." You spoke. "He didn't want to become this but I forced him to."
"I would've said something if you didn't speak up" Levi confessed. Minutes of silence filled the air between the two of you before you broke it to speak.
"I can't keep avoiding him, it's killing me." You choked on your words.
"We're gonna figure this out, y/n" Levi sent you a look of reassuring before he took a sip of his tea. "I have paperwork to go finish but if you need anything, let me know." And with that he was gone. You waited a few minutes til Levi's footsteps departed from the hallway to exit the room yourself and down the hall quietly.
Your feet stopped at the foot of Erwin's door. You exhaled before bringing your fist to knock on the door. Something you instantly regretted but didn't at the same time. Seconds later, the door swung open. Erwin was a mess, his hair dropped wrapped his head instead of being slicked back. His eyes puff and red as if he was crying. His facial expression looked defeated.
"Can I come in please?" You asked quietly and Erwin quickly nodded and stepped aside. Good, it was the calm part of Erwin, at least for now at it was. You took a few steps before you entered and turned around to watch Erwin close the door.
"Y/n earlier...I'm so so sorry." His voice cracked as if he were already on the verge of tears. You said nothing as you honestly didn't know what to say. You lowered your head to stare at your feet. "I don't know what's wrong with me, it's just I'm not me."
"You laid your hands on me in a way I would have never expected you to..." you spoke up.
"It's not me!" He pleaded.
"But it is you, your body, your brain! It is you!" You cried back as you felt your cheeks get hot as if you were about to cry.
"Damn it y/n I can't fucking control it!" His voice raised a slight tone. He dropped his head taking a few deep breathes. "I don't know what I am anymore or who I am." Your shoulders dropped as you approached Erwin placing your hands on both his cheeks forcing him to look at you.
"You are Commander Erwin smith of the scout regiment of paradis. The best god damn commander this cage has seen in hundred of years. You are also the love of my life." You paused as his defeated eyes fell onto your. " it absolutely pains me to watch this happen to you but I can't help you if you won't try and help yourself." You ushered quietly. "Hanges doing everything she can to figure out exactly how we can help you but until then, I need you to be the badass you are and fight whatever evil thing is going on in there." You spoke motioning towards his brown.
"I've been so horrible to you.." he whispered as he placed his forehead against yours. "It's absolutely wrecks me. To see you hurt. I'm supposed to protect you god damn it. Me, I am. But I can't protect you from myself." He exhaled blinking down a pair of tears. "Why did you do this? Why did you have to change my mind?" You lowered your brows confused at his question.
"Excuse me?" You asked
"Why did you have to fucking go and change my mind? I was ready to go, ready to leave this place. But you convinced me. Your fucking sweet, gentle voice convinced me to stay. And now look at me!" He backed up parting from your grip displaying his hands outwards. "I'm a fucking monster."
"No you're no-" you started but he cut you off.
"I'm a fucking monster because you refused to let me go. You did this! You fuckin-" He spat loudly suddenly clenching his fists. You scoffed as you stormed up to him quickly slapping him across the face.
"Who the fuck do you think you're talking to!?" You screamed tears absolutely flooding your face. "I'll be damned if you think I was gonna let you fucking slip from me because you told me you chose me! Me! Not your job! Not being a commander. So if you weren't going to keep your word, why did you even fucking say it?" You choked on your words sniffling. "God forbid I love you!" You felt your body shake. "So yeah go ahead and tell me it's my fault. Call me selfish! Call me an idiot. Whatever! You could be something unstoppable! Someone undefeated. I had hope you'd change the world for the better! For right now? I have no fucking idea who you are because the Erwin I know would NEVER let this happen."
You took a breathe as you dropped your head feeling the warm tears trickle down your red stained cheeks. You brought your hands up to your face to wipe the tears away. Erwin's fists had relaxed and his face laid in shock. A red handprint popping up on his left cheek.
"Goodnight Erwin. I just wanted to come see you. Because I miss you but I can't miss something that isnt here." You huffed walking passed Erwin and out his room. You didn't understand why you always go so fired up when Erwin's outbursts started to erupt. You wanted him so bad to just snap back to himself. You'd do anything for that. You were more surprised you slapped him and he managed to do nothing. You were basically planning your grave at that moment. Cheated death and walked away.
YOU ARE READING
You're Something Special, Cadet. Erwin X Reader
Fanfiction*UNDER HEAVY EDITING* It's the classic. You are the normal young girl who had the heart to join the scout regiment, to make a change. You weren't top of your class, you weren't great at any of the areas you needed to be but you were determined to ma...
