ethereal : it oneshots

dream of me

pairing: stenbrough

a/n: below is a collection of chapters from a book i no longer have the motivation to write. the idea was that half the book consist of stanley's dreams and the other half consist of in person situations. here's some of the dreams.

1. 

i'm in a synagogue. it's not the one near my house, but almost. it looks too sunny outside to be derry, and there's too many trees, but it's all weirdly familiar. i don't know where we are, but it's pretty.

i'm sitting in front of the chuppah. i'm confused. who's getting married? it's not me, i can hear the bride being veiled by her groom. the gasps of surprise. i'm not entirely sure that i'm here at this wedding. i feel as though you could stick a hand through me and not notice. it's weird.

the carpet is blue. why is the carpet blue? i don't have the capability to analyze why the curtains are blue and i never have had that capability, but it'd be nice to figure it out right now.

look, i know dreams aren't supposed to make sense, but this is a strange, untraditional wedding.

the groom passes me with his family, standing tall above me. i realize i'm kneeling. praying, almost. the groom's standing so tall for several reasons: yes i'm already half his height, but the man that just passed me is bill. he's pretty tall in the first place.

i feel sick. who is bill getting married to? why is bill getting married? why isn't it to-

i try to get up from the floor, avoiding all possible eye contact with bill. he looks too good. i can't look at him when he looks that good. that hardly seems fair, not when i look as asleep as i am, still wearing my pajamas, sweating in the summer heat that's seeped in through the windows.

i can't get up. my knees are stapled to the ground. i guess i am solid. i guess i'm stuck praying.

interesting choice to get married in the heat. i always thought you'd start sweating in a full suit. isn't that uncomfortable?

bill's not sweating, of course. he's sparkling. like edward fucking cullen. it's different.

next beverly passes me, and the horrendous conclusion falls upon me that it's beverly and bill's wedding.

beverly and bill's jewish wedding? i don't know much about weddings, but this feels like i'm being made fun of by... the dream gods, or something.

maybe this is just a sign i should go to shabbat more. i don't know the name of the event that's happening right now, but it looks special.

bill looks lovely. beverly looks gorgeous. i hope i wake up soon.

2. 

you know how dreams give you weird given circumstances? sorry, jesus, i've been hanging out with richie too much. let me explain what given circumstances are.

when you're acting a scene in improv, often a judge or host (picture drew carey in whose line is it anyway) will give circumstances surrounding the scene. for example: you're two explorers in an ikea for the first time. the actors then jump right into the scene. then the fun happens: the actual theatre game shit. change, dinner party, or what have you.

the point is, you sometimes end up halfway into a dream when you start it, but your dream senses, whatever the fuck they are, have provided you with given circumstances, so that you understand what is going on.

anyway, all this to say i'm packing my bags. like, a suitcase and backpack. i don't keep lots of large objects, and i'm not very attached to my furniture, so it's coming easier to me than i thought it would. i do have a lot of just, things, though. a lot of birthday cards from bill and photos and film i never got developed and such.

the given circumstance of this move? apparently, i told my parents of my little crush, and they did not approve. do i blame them? no, not really. how dare i stray from what has been the norm their and my entire life? no, no, it's not their fault.

so i'm moving out. i'm not sure where yet.

i've given coming out some thought, i'll be honest, but it'll never happen. in real life, anyway.

nevertheless, with my bags packed, i think it's time to leave. precariously, i make my way down the stairs to the front door.

my mother is suddenly standing behind me. she asks me if it was really me or if i was joking. i tell her i wasn't joking, and she shakes her head in disgust. she tells me she wishes she had a daughter. i know this. i leave the house.

standing outside the house, i feel quite foolish. what if my neighbours see me fleeing my house. what will they think? the seventeen year old is going on a trip? probably. god knows. sorry, god.

i take three steps and i'm at a train stop. rather efficient way of going places. speaking of, i'm not sure where i'm going. maybe hell.

maybe i'm already in hell.

3. 

i think i'm getting a little too comfortable in my life. i think that's what this dream is trying to tell me. normally i'm having gigantic nightmares about how bill will kill me or hunt me down or my parents will disown me or... you get the point.

anyway, this one feels too nice.

i'm on bill's bed and i'm lying next to him, his hand in mine as he tries to keep me as close as possible. we were bickering earlier about some book i was reading, but it's turned to silence. the light in his room is off, but it's light enough outside that i can still see the details of his face.

his eyes sparkle as he laughs through his nose to himself.

i love him.

and i know, through the force of given circumstances, that he loves me too.

that's the dream. haha, literally. anyway, back to the dream at hand.

i'm not really sleeping-sleeping in his arms, i'm just enjoying the warmth and his presence. he kisses my forehead and i've never loved him more. 

i am a religious teen, something rare i find, but i am a religious teen. bill's existence continues to convince me religion is right. i mean, you can look at it however you want, and it makes sense.

if god sent bill to punish me for being gay, surely it's working. he's working with the devil to concoct some loving dream that i then wake up in the real life nightmare. bill is beautiful, unfairly beautiful, and i will never in all of my life gather the strength to tell him so. 

if god sent bill to bless me, consider me blessed everytime i get to see his stupidly handsome face. i would do anything just to make sure i see his face before i die.

and i know what i sound like. i know i sound like a overexaggerating teenager who doesn't quite know what love is. and maybe i am. but this feels like i was meant to be here, in bill's arms, feeling loved.

i hope i never wake up.