ethereal : it oneshots

cold hard ass

pairing: stozier

a/n: drinking game that ends in alcohol poisoning: take a shot every time stan tells richie to shut up or rolls his eyes at him LMFAO. also idk why i called it cold hard ass either i just thought it was funny.

"what are you doing?" richie's voice made stan jump out of his skin, hitting his head on the tap of the sink and groaning as he stood up, richie laughing.

"shut up! stop laughing, you'll wake them up," stanley whispered at him. richie put a hand over his mouth, surrendering the other hand up. he approached stan at his place by the sink, leaning against the counter. stan's eyes flickered up at him, then back to the ground, putting his head in his hands. "i can't sleep."

"so you put your head in the sink?" richie asked, hopping up onto the counter itself. stan flipped him off.

"i don't know what i was doing either. i can't explain my actions." stanley was mumbling, his face bright red and his heart still racing. when he finally took his head out of his hands, he furrowed his eyebrows as he looked to richie, "what are you doing awake?" he asked. richie was able to fall asleep at any time, so for him to be awake in the middle of the night, and find stan in bill's kitchen, was a strange occurrence.

"dunno. woke up and noticed you weren't there, so i thought i'd come make sure you hadn't run away." richie shrugged, pulling at his hoodie so it sat more comfortably on his neck. he went to push his glasses up his face but brought his hand down quickly, remembering he'd left them in bill's bedroom.

"coming to look for me, how sweet," stanley laughed dryly, and it was richie's turn to flip him off. stanley turned to stand in front of richie, richie kicking his shins lightly with his socks.

"you know, if you really can't sleep, we could always get a cheeky fuck in on bill's porch," richie said, grasping the top of stanley's hair and tugging at it slightly. stanley coughed in surprise, smacking away richie's hand. richie only choked out a laugh, letting go.

"jesus christ, you're not allowed to talk about it," stanley hissed, his voice low. nobody could've wiped the smile off of his face.

"wow, admitting to it? you're admitting it!" richie's voice was still soft, but stanley could hear the smug tone, and it made him want to slap richie.

"shut up!" stanley whined, putting his head in his hands again, this time in between richie's legs.

the two had been hooking up since the last year of high school, and while their friends had yet to find out, stanley was forever annoyingly cautious. his face felt bright red as it burned in his hands.

"come on, you don't want to fuck right now?" richie teased, his smile a mile long. richie ran a hand through stanley's hair. stan shook his head firmly, but richie didn't stop the gentle combing gesture. "ookay, saving sex for marriage, i understand," richie rolled his eyes, stanley bringing a hand up to flip him off again.

stanley finally stood up again, lifting his head and trying his hardest to glare at richie. i mean—stanley had a mean glare, but knowing richie inside and out kept him from ever being able to maintain the facade of being angry at him.

richie's grin didn't falter, richie leaning forward and gently kissing stanley. stanley would be lying if he said he didn't appreciate it, but at the same time the implication of sweet and domestic affection compared to the hungry and desperate that they were used to made stanley afraid.

richie didn't want more than what they had. stanley knew that. still, sometimes he entertained the fantasy. it was easier to fall in love when you didn't have to worry about the sex; you already knew it was great. stanley liked the idea that he knew richie intimately in a way that the rest of the losers didn't.

"so, why can't you sleep?" richie leaned back against the counter, their only point of contact now being richie's feet, sliding slowly against stanley's.

"never can. i don't know, i thought maybe walking about and standing would tire me out. or... something, i don't fuckin' know," stanley sighed, picking and pulling at a thread on the bottom of his shirt. richie watched him, though it was too dark and he didn't have his glasses on, so he wasn't quite sure what stanley was doing.

"okay, but you know how sex puts me to sleep, maybe it could do the same for you," richie said, stanley huffing at him again.

"we're not having sex in bill's house."

"oh, the yard? kinky."

"richie. shut the fuck up."

richie beamed again, "aye aye captain. all you had to say." he saluted stan jokingly, stan shaking his head in an enamoured sort of disbelief. "do you wanna get fresh air, though? that could help."

and stanley, in his everbearing insomniac wisdom, knew that fresh air had never helped him before. but he was aching to be able to make out more of richie's face to admire, so he nodded.

richie took that as an exuberant yes, hopping up from his position to walk through the living room, grabbing a blanket on the way as the two quietly went outside. stanley hissed as the door squeaked, closing it quickly.

"why did you bring that?" stanley asked as he turned around, richie already on the ground in front of the door, leaning against the wall of the house. he'd effectively tucked himself in, and stan nearly sighed in relief at how the moon was lighting up richie's face.

"bugs." richie shuffled around, stan rolling his eyes. surely, though, he sat down next to richie, bugging him in the leg.

"give me some," stanley murmured, richie laughing as he shared the blanket. the two now sat leg to leg, stanley gently putting his head on richie's shoulder. "thanks."

"be thankful for my generosity," richie said, smiling down at stanley. stan simply shuffled closer, wrapping his arm around richie's. surely they'd done weirder things than be a little affectionate by themselves. stanley figured it was fine.

"i am," stanley replied, short and simple. richie bit his lip to keep back a smile. "can you even see the stars?" stan asked, richie blinking a couple times.

"nope. there's a blurry moon, though, she's pretty damn bright." richie rubbed at his eyes, like that would cure his eyesight. he would've preferred to have grabbed his glasses, but he could see stanley this close, and that's all that mattered.

"hm," stanley thought, "i can see ursa minor."

"okay, humble brag." richie scoffed, stan bumping him playfully. richie backed away a little, to fully turn his head to stan. "actually, i get to see you. that's the humblest brag."

stanley furrowed his eyebrows, "are you trying to compliment me?"

"something like that."

stanley could feel his blush growing, biting back a stupid, lovesick smile as he replied, "wasn't very good. you'll have to try again, i guess."

richie reached out to brush his hand through stanley's hair. "you're very pretty, stanley. is that what you wanted to hear? oh, oh stan, you're so prett—MMPH" stanley clapped a hand over richie's mouth, sounding a little too much like a moan.

"shut up!" stan hissed, laughing a little himself through his anger.

richie gave stan's hand a kiss, stan shaking his head at him as he let go of richie's mouth. "sorry, staniel," richie whispered, reaching a hand back out to stan. stan went to speak, but richie leaned forwards first, kissing him gently.

the kiss grew for a moment, under the moonlight as the two shared their first kiss without the knowledge that sex would come afterwards. stanley let himself lean into it, his hands messing the blanket up as he went to put them on richie's neck.

richie broke away suddenly, "you sure that's a no to the moonlight sex on bill's porch?"

"shut up. just kiss me."

"okay! that works!"