ethereal : it oneshots

running away

pairing: stenbrough

i knew he had to get out of here. i can't lie and say i'm not jealous, or that i'm not bitter at him leaving without me, but he needed any excuse to leave. and trust me, i tried to come with him.

"we'll work something out, please, i'll work for the rest of my life, i just want to be with you." i was pleading, literally. my hands were clasped and i was begging him. bill inhaled shakily, like he might say yes, only to shake his head.

"you know it w-wuh-wouldn't work. new york is obnoxiously expensive, we wouldn't s-suh-s-suh-survive. i'm living on campus for a reason." and he was right, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. "bes-suh-sides, i can't ask you to g-guh-guh-give up everything for me."

"you don't have to ask, i'm asking. i'm asking for permission to leave all of this horrific shitshow behind and come with you."

"you'd never buh-be able to afford it. i can't either, stan, c'mon." bill ran a hand through my hair, and i wanted to slap him. i loved him too much.

but he wouldn't let me. and i had to let him leave me. obviously, he had to leave his home. waking up every morning to georgie's bedroom empty down the hall was killing him. his parents were killing him. the fucking town was killing him. 

but goddamnit, i wanted to go with him. now it's just me. 

and i loved him (i still do). he knew that. i'd always loved him. and, in spite of it all, i do believe he loved me. it was just survival.

but, more than anything, i want to be happy with him. i want him to know how much better he deserves. and truthfully, he deserves better than me, i know that. 

but i just want to be home with him. i want to buy him hoodies and see him wear them on the weekend. i want to wash the dishes while he hugs me from behind. i want to look in on whatever homework he's doing before i leave for work in the morning. 

i just want him. i've never wanted anything so badly. 

right before he left, when i spent the whole day with him, i thought maybe we had a chance.

"stan, i'm sorry. it w-wuh-won't happen. i juh-just think maybe i need... muh-maybe i need time to be alone. i duh-don't know." bill was holding my hand, but he wouldn't look at me. he was sitting at the top of the bed, and i was lying beside him.

"fuck. if you insist..." i didn't want to listen. i didn't want to leave him. that was fucking stupid. "do you insist?"

there was no situation in which i would leave bill denbrough unless he specifically told me that i needed to leave him alone. and that's all he had been doing all fucking night. it hurt. i didn't want to believe him.

"no." his voice was small. 

maybe i could've run away with him. caught the train to his university with him, secretly lived in his dorm with him or something, i don't know. but maybe it could've happened.

does anyone love the way you do when you know you're about to lose them?

i would have spent days and nights by his side praying for him not to leave me. too bad i'd lost my faith. he'll be happier now, i know, without his parents and that cursed house. i fear, though, that he'll be happier without me, though. that's selfish, i know, but i cannot help it.

help me god, i just need him. i'll get to him.