*Kelebogile's story*
*Chapter 16*
Me and my husband spent 3 months in Zanzibar.It was an amazing experience to be there.Now it has been about two months since we came back.i haven’t found any job.im just a housewife currently and sometimes I get bored.i just find myself watching tv or sleeping.Now im in the kitchen making food for the kids.Ntsako and Owami stay with us in Pretoria but now they are visiting us in Mpumalanga as we had to move because their father transferred this side for a year because of work. .i hear a knock and I go to open the door.its a child standing there with a bag.She gives me a letter as I look at her.I take the luggage and get in with her.
Me:whats your name?
Girl:Kayla.
Me:are you hungry kayla?
She nods her head.i take her to sit with the girls and finish making food.After im done I take the food to them and they all sit together and start eating
Owami:mommy why am I not eating with you today?
She loves eating in the same plate with me.
Me:baby im not hungry.
Owami:is mommy sad?im sorry mommy.
Me:im not sad okay?i will eat supper with you.
Owami:okay mom,love you.
Me:love you too!
….
“come home now!” that’s the message I just sent to my husband.i need him to come and explain.The way im feeling right now I don’t know what I will do.i feel frustrated and confused at the same time.i try to keep calm and it is not working.i go to our room and just sit on the bed.After +-30 minutes he comes in.By now my tears are just falling and im just sniffing.
Mandla:whats going on?
I throw the letter to him.i didn’t even bother to open and read it.i see his face changing as he reads the letter.He squats down by the bed.
Him:baby this is not what you think.
Me:what am I thinking?
Him:….
Me:is she your child?ag what am I saying?she’s yours.she looks just like you.
Him:im sorry.
Me:you cheated on me and now there’s a child.what am I supposed to do about that?
Him:baby im sorry.
Me:when did it happen?
Him:it was that time you found out from your brothers.it only happened once.
Me:im so stupid.i should have listened to my brothers when they warned me that you would hurt me.Now here we are.
I know I forgave him for cheating but now it hurts.this child will always remind me of his cheating.
Me:don’t touch me!
I yank my hand from his and just wipe my tears.i cant believe this is me.We are supposed to be happy.We are newly weds. But here we are dealing with this.i think my destiny is to be a stepmom. we’ve been trying for a baby but nothing is working out.
Mandla:where are you going?
Me:its not any of your business.
Mandla:you are not going anywhere.You will sit down and we will talk about this.
He goes to the door and locks it then takes the keys.
Mandla:sit down.
I sit on top of the bed and he crouches on my feet and holds my hands.
Mandla: baby im sorry,I know it wont change things but I am.
Me:I think I want to leave.i nneed some fresh air.
Mandla:not before we talk about this.
Me:you cheated on me.And now im supposed to raise your child.i cant do that.im sorry.
Mandla:don’t say that.what am I supposed to do?
Me:you shouldn’t have cheated on me.none of this would be happening.
Mandla:I know what I say wont change anything but you know I love you and would do anything to make things right.
Me:okay,please open the door for me.i just want to get some air.
Mandlla:baby you don’t know this place,what if you get lost?
We moved to witbank.He bought a house for us here because he got moved to a branch in this side of town.Now im far from my family,I wish mom was here.i wish I could just call my twin,but I know he will just tell me to pack my things and come back home.what was I thinking marrying a man 13 years older than me?i should have just went for my agemates.
…..
The following day I find myself knocking on mama’s door.i drove all the way from witbank to KZN.I needed someone to talk and she’s the first one that cam to mind.i know she’s his mother and might take his side.she smiles when she sees me.but I can see that her smile is filled with pitty.that means her son already told her.
Ma:Ntsako take your sisters to the playroom.
She takes their hands and they rush there.she opens her arms and I just throw myself in hers.i feel all the love from her.its like she’s saying don’t worry everything will be alright.
Ma:come and sit down.i will make tea for you.
I sit on the couch and just zone out.i think about everything and how I am going to deal with this.mama comes back with the tea and sits down.
Ma:your husband will be here soon.
Me:mama you shouldn’t have called him.
Ma:I had to,he’ll be worried when he finds you gone.
Me:…
Ma:I know.he told me everything.i am so sorry my child.Any decision you make I will support you.
Me:I feel like packing my things and disappear.this is a lot to take in.
Ma:what do you want to do?
Me:I don’t know ma,I love my husband.i still love him and I don’t think it will ever change.But theres a child involved here.i know she did nothing wrong but I don’t think I can accept her.i don’t have the strength to do that.
Ma:if you still love your husband you can stay and do whatever it takes to make your marriage work.you are not forced to like the child,it will get there.take everything one step at a time.
Me:how did you take baba cheating on you?
Ma:it hurt.i loved him,I thought we could fix things but no.he went and married her without me knowing.when I refused for her to be family he divorced me.ys it hurt but I moved on.i realised that he didn’t love me.Your husband loves you,but the decision lies withyou.i can only give you advice and support you.
Me:thank you ma.can I go and lie down?
Ma:of course,you know where your room is.
I went in and lay down.i had to think about what I was going to do.it was a hard situation for me and I didn’t know what I was going to do.
….
I don’t know how I fell asleep but I woke up to someone knocking on the door.i went to open and Mandla attacked me with a hug.
Mandla:do you know how much I was worried?please don’t ever leave without telling me.
Me:ok.
Mandla:come lets lye down.
We lay on the bed and he was holding me like I was going to run away.He kissed my forehead.
Me:what are we going to do?
Mandla:please don’t make me choose.
Me:I would never do that’
Mandla:I love you ma Khumalo and I really appreciate you.
Me:what if I hate your child for what you and her mother did?i don’t think I can handle aalways having a reminder of what you did.
Mandla:baby we will get through this,you will see.
M:okay.
Mandla:thank you sthandwa sam.please stop overthinking.
Me:if it was me who cheated and had a child would you stop overthink?
Mandla:…
Me:exactly.so just let me be.Maybe im just destined to raise other women’s children since im barren.
Mandla:come here…(I sat on top of him.)I don’t ever wanna hear you say that again.we will have kids,if not we will adopt.
Me:I don’t want to adopt.its fine anyway,I don’t care if I have kids or not.i will be fine.
Mandla:I hate seeing you like this,and its all my fault.please forgive me.
Me:its fine,I will forgive you as time goes.
Mandla:we are going home soon.
Me:cant I stay here?
Mandla:and who will be with me and the kids?please lets go home.
Me:okay.
…..
We drove home in total silent.Only the kids were talking.we got there and I unlocked the door and we all went in.
Mandla:babe you can rest,we will order in.
Me:okay,im tired anyway.
Ntsako:mommy can we order pizza?please.
Me:pizza it is then.
Sometimes I feel somehow when they call me mommy.i have no kids yet im ‘mommy’.
Kayla:Bitch can I call you mommy too?i have no mommy.
Mandla:kayla who told you that?
Kayla:my mom,but I call her my sister.she said she’s bitch.
I know she’s just a child but it really hurt me.her mom must have been talking to her friends and called me a bitch.
Kayla:she was talking to my aunty and said she’s taking me to Bitch’s house.
I didn’t wait to hear more.i went to my room and called my brother.
Me:please come and fetch me.
Muzi:little you are crying.whats wrong?
M:please.i don’t want to be here.
Muzi:okay,it's late now. I will come tomorrow.
I went to sleep with a broken heart. I know she's just a child but it hurts. Owami or Ntsako have never called me a bitch. How am I supposed to stay and accept a child like that? And her mother. Isn't she going to be a problem in my life? She'll come here like she owns this place and disrespect me like she taught her child. I didn't even go back to join them for supper. I just slept. The way I was so hurt I didn't even feel hungry.
