Grim

36

A knock sounded on the door, and although I knew it was too light to be Azias' that didn't keep me from hoping it was him. He hadn't come back since he left. I figured that he went to the other house and slept there to avoid me altogether. His mother had been calling him all last night, but he was ignoring her too.

"Come in," I weakly invited. Other than to use the bathroom, I hadn't left the bed all morning. I just stayed under the covers crying myself into unhealthy naps and waking up to do it all over again. I hadn't even eaten, despite Diane bringing me breakfast and tea earlier. I hadn't the slightest clue what time it was. I didn't care to.

Ariela entered the room and closed the door behind her. She then climbed up the bed and sat beside me. "I know it's none of my business, so feel free to kick me out whenever you want. Last night sounded like a really bad argument, and I haven't seen you nor Zy since. I'm here if you wanna talk about it."

I sniffled, "It started from the other night. He thought that Ace and I were fooling around and Ace told him that we weren't and that he should apologize for the way he had been treating me. He didn't though and instead accused me of having you cover for us."

Ariela sighed, "Gosh, he must've didn't want the Jade thing happening again!"

"What do you mean?" I frowned as I slowly sat up.

She shook her head, "I shouldn't say. We don't talk about it..."

I let her know, "I know she and Zion died in the park from a shoot out. I also know Azias saw it happen and blames himself. I brought that up last night to be petty, and that's why he ended it with me."

Ariela sighed, "Fuck. You really shouldn't have, especially not with what you two were arguing about before..."

"Please, explain," I begged, and she sighed again.

"I had seen Jade kiss this other dude a few days before homecoming. She saw me and begged me not to tell Azias. What she didn't know was that Ace had seen her too. I told her that I'd give her a day to come clean, but Ace already beat her to it and told Azias. Azias confronted her about it, and then he broke up with her. They were the most known couple in our high school. Everyone was expecting to see them together, but Azias wasn't planning on going anymore. She knew he liked to play basketball after school with Zion so she tried meeting him there to talk it out and at least get him to take her to the dance before officially ending everything..." Ariela laid out.

I finished, "Then the shootout happened?"

"Yeah," Ariela sighed. "That bullet was intended for him, but she got in the way. She died in his arms with Zion already dead right next to him. Zion had a bullet to the head, and she got one in the back. Azias used to be this really sweet guy. He was always lively and fun to be around. That's why he was so popular in high school. After that night, he changed. He closed himself off from everyone. He grew cold and mean, and if we weren't his family, he would've blocked us out completely too. I can't imagine how last night's argument triggered him! That was a really traumatic day. No kid should ever see or go through what he did. It didn't help that things went downhill from there for us. He had to do things we never thought he'd ever do, just so he could take care of us."

I sadly replied, "I didn't know all of that. He never gave the story as detailed as you did."

Ariela shrugged, "I'm honestly surprised he said anything at all about it! That night had left him traumatized for months, and then that trauma turned into lifelong anger. Anytime one of us tried to speak about it to help him cope, he'd leave for hours and come back late in the night and lock himself up in his room. We all eventually agreed to never speak about it because we realized that simply speaking about it caused him too much hurt. Didn't help that Jade's family blamed him for what happened either. Those fuckers still hold the grudge, and we know he still beats himself up about it!"

I sniffled, "I didn't even stop to think why he was so paranoid about me cheating on him. I was too busy reliving the moments I found out that my ex had cheated on me. Azias had been trying to get me to talk it out with him, and instead, I threw Jade's death in his face. He must hate me!"

Ariela disagreed, "I'm sure he doesn't. He didn't hate Jade for kissing the guy. He was just really hurt by it, like he is now because of what you said. Was that all that happened?"

She nodded her head towards the wall, which still contained the holes Azias had left in them.

I added, "He got really upset and started punching holes into the wall. That's when your mom came in, and then she said he looked like his dad, so he got even more upset and left."

"Oh, God! If Mom knew the details of the argument, she wouldn't have said what she did knowing how much Azias hated him for leaving when he did. It wasn't too long after Richard left that the accident happened. They were really close. If there was anyone Azias would've spoken to about that night, it would've been him. Then with mom having to sell the house and then getting sick from all of the extra shifts she had to pick up, Azias just grew to hate him even more. He wasn't there when he needed him most...when we all needed him most."

I silently cried to myself, not because Azias had broken up with me, but because I had finally realized how much hurt he had faced last night. All of that could've been avoided had I not been so stubborn and petty. It was my fault he was reliving all of his most traumatic moments, and I felt so bad that I put him through all of that. I wanted nothing more than to comfort him right now and apologize a million and one times because he truly hadn't deserved all that happened last night. No matter how angry I was, what I said was uncalled for and fucked up in so many ways.

"Have you been able to get a hold of him?" I sniffled, and Ariela shook her head. I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand before climbing out of bed.

"What are you doing?" Ariela asked with confusion written all over her face.

I grabbed some sweats and slid them on before grabbing a baseball cap. "Going to find him," I answered as I threw the cap onto my messy hair.

"You know where he went?" She asked, and I shook my head. "So how are you gonna find him?!"

I answered, "He's either at the other house because he wants to be alone or at one of his two clubs because he doesn't want to be alone. Either way, I'll find him."

"What if he has another spot over here that he goes too?" Ariela asked.

"I don't know, but it's worth a try. If he swings by, please tell him to call me!" I sniffled as I threw my sneakers on.

Ariela shook her head, "He wouldn't want you wandering about by yourself with all that unknown danger out there. Do you even know how to navigate these roads without GPS?!"

I paused to think this through. Ariela was exactly right. I had no idea how to get to Azias without GPS. Azias didn't use any because he had his addresses and the their directions mapped out in his head already. I, on the other hand, had no idea how to get around California. I didn't know which street would lead to the other. This wasn't New York, whose city I had a chance of navigating without directions because of how familiar I was with certain routes. This was a state that I had never been to until now. I was a stranger bound to get lost on my own.

"Can you or Ace drive me there?" I asked.

"Your best bet is Ace. I don't know shit by heart! Ace and Azias bought most of the safe houses together so if anyone else should know how to get to one without directions, it should be Ace!" Ariela encouraged me.

"Thank you so much! I'll let you know when we find him!" I promised and she smiled and nodded.

"Good luck!" she wished as she climbed off the bed. She then gave me a tight hug while saying, "Remember, he doesn't hate you."

I breathed, "Okay!"