Grim

45

Thump...thump...thump.

My heart was beating slowly as the air around me started to thicken. The sound of my mother sniffling was audible, yet muted somehow.

I needed to force myself to speak, even though I didn't want to.

"Is Richard my father?"

There was a long moment of silence, or maybe time had just decided to stand still. I felt as if I was holding on to a loose thread. The more I pulled the truth in, the more disheveled I was bound to become. One answer had the power of unraveling my entire world, and I didn't like that.

As she breathed through the phone, I found myself getting goosebumps, even though the temperature in the room hadn't changed.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

My heart was beating even faster. I didn't like this anticipation at all. I wanted the truth, but I was also afraid of what the truth meant for my entire childhood.

"No," she answered, and it was as if everything came crashing down. My entire childhood felt like a lie!

My heart was beating quickly as my mind raced in circles. Everything I thought I knew was fake! This whole time...this whole fucking time she had been lying!

I didn't know whether to be sad or fucking pissed! She lied to me for years! She made me believe that man was my father, and then she made me believe that he left me behind to create another family when I was never his to begin with!

"Wow," I brought myself to say. "Is that why Devon and Richard had a falling out?"

Mother sniffled, "Not exactly. They had gotten into an argument that had nothing to do with the family, and so Richard told Dev to stop coming around. Dev said that he wouldn't because we were his family, and that he wanted to be there to look out for you. He said you were like a son to him, and that pissed Richard off because Richard had his suspicions the night I was unfaithful. That's why he chased Devon out of the house that night— the night you helped Richard run Devon away. Although he had his suspicions, he didn't actually think Devon was your father."

She stopped and sniffled before continuing, "Everything was fine for years until one day, Richard saw me meeting up with Dev. Dev never really left, Zy. He'd watch you from a distance because he felt that you were his son, but he also knew that I didn't want to ruin my relationship with Richard. What happened with Dev was a mistake that we both regret, Zy. It's not something I'm proud of."

"But it's the truth!" I sternly replied.

She sniffled, "Yes. Um, Dev requested a DNA test to confirm if he was actually your father...The test was positive, Zy." I huffed as I shook my head in disbelief. How could she keep this from me?! "I didn't think it was right to keep the results from Richard, so I told him."

"And he left?"

"Not until a year and a half later," she answered. "Instead of filing for a divorce when I told him, he just began cheating. He never broke up with me or anything. Yeah, we weren't speaking much, but we were still together, and still sexually active with each other. The amount of times he came home smelling like other women...the amount of times I caught him violating our bed...and I endured it all because at least he was there for you, Ariela, and Ace. Of course, he started requesting a test for them too, which I took without hesitation because I had only been unfaithful once, but him being their father didn't stop him from leaving them behind, Zy."

I remembered my dad—

I remembered Richard being distant around that time. Then he left.

I huffed once more and shook my head as I realized why he had been distant with me. I wasn't even his son!