Grim

37

"Last stop..." Ace sighed as he pulled into the driveway of the second safe house. I had insisted on visiting Azias' clubs first because I felt that he'd be trying to get what I said off his mind with a girl there. Now, I was nervous that I'd see him with someone here instead. Maybe he was having his long overdue threesome...

I breathed a hollow breath before undoing my seatbelt and hopping out of the car. Azias' car was in the garage, information I gained after Ace opened it.

"He should be inside," Ace confirmed as he opened the door to the house. "Zy?" Ace called out. If Azias was in here, he surely didn't wanna communicate with anyone because he refused to respond, despite Ace calling out to him three more times.

I walked to the bedroom we stayed in and saw Azias curled up in bed with a bottle of Hennessy wrapped in his arms.

Ace chuckled, "Not this nigga cuddling a bottle of Henny!"

"Get out," Azias said grumpily.

"I'll go if you give me the bottle," Ace bargained, and Azias stretched the bottle outwards. "Good looks," Ace chuckled as he grabbed the bottle. "I'll be in the living room," he let me know as he exited the room.

"Take her with you!" Azias yelled out to Ace, who's laughter I could hear coming from the kitchen. He must've went in there to get a glass for his drink.

I closed the room door and walked over to Azias, who sighed and turned on to his other side to avoid me. I took off my sneakers and climbed into the bed, sitting beside him. "Here to pack your bags?" he asked, his eyes avoiding mine as he stared off into the distance.

"If that's what you want, sure, but not until I apologize," I answered.

"Yea, what I want. I'm just a selfish guy that likes to have my way," he sarcastically replied.

"Don't forget childish," I joked to lighten the mood, but he wasn't in the mood for my shit today. "I'm sorry. I dragged it last night, and the only person being childish was me. I was hurting and didn't stop until you were too, and that was pretty messed up of me to do."

"It was."

I added, "I really do regret what I said, especially about Jade. I knew that day hurt you a lot, yet I still brought it up. I now understand the extent of hurt you felt, especially considering what your mom said. I also understand why you got so caught up in the cheating suspicions..."

"Was it Mom or Ariela?" Azias asked.

"That...?"

He answered, "Told you. Ace wouldn't be dumb enough to show his face if it were him. Who told you?"

"Does it matter?" I shrugged. "I know now, and it makes me feel even worse!"

Azias frowned as he connected eyes with me for the first time today, "So you decided to come here to clear your conscience?"

I shook my head, "I came because I was worried about you..."

"I can worry about myself. I'm not yours to worry about anymore," he coldly answered.

I looked away and nodded, "Yeah, I'm aware," and he rolled onto his back to stare up at the ceiling as I stared at the wall opposite me. Remembering the holes in the wall that he created last night, I asked, "How's your fist?"

"Don't worry about it," he coldly replied. "Hurts a lot less than the damage you caused."

I looked down at him, but he refused to look at me as I asked, "What can I do to fix this, Zy?"

"You can pack your bags."

"Azias..." I began to sniffle.

He rolled his eyes, "Don't think the crocodile tears are gonna work. What you did was so fucking low. I never thought you'd stoop to that, but I guess I was wrong about you. I thought I knew you, but I was wrong about that too."

"You do know me," I sniffled, "And I love you."

"Nah save all that bullshit for someone else," he shook his head as he placed his folded hands beneath his head. He was being distant and nonchalant, and I hated it because it showed that he really didn't care that he had ended things with me.

I cried, "I'm being honest! I love you, Zy, and I'm falling in love with you too! I just wanna fix this!"

He connected eyes with me, and I noticed that his were watering too, but we weren't emotional over the same things. I could tell that much from the anger I also saw in his eyes.

He angrily replied, "You didn't need to know that Jade died in my arms. You didn't need to know that the bullet that killed her was meant for me. You didn't need to know that I saw the light fading from her eyes as I tried and failed to keep her alive as I called the ambulance. You didn't need to know that my best friend died by my fucking feet without even getting to say goodbye. You didn't need to know that Jade's last words were 'I'm sorry!'"

Azias continued, "You didn't need to know the amount of sleep I lost or the isolation I felt losing the two people I kept closest to me. You didn't need to fucking know to understand that speaking about it should've been off limits. You wanna know why I have bad dreams?! It's because I keep reliving the moment over and over again, wishing it was me that got that bullet instead of her. Wishing I hadn't asked Zion to go to the park that day. Wishing I had done everything differently, and hoping that I never lose anyone I love in that way again. The life I live now is a kill-or-be-killed game, but I chose that. I made that choice."

His angry tears began streaming down his face, and with each word he spoke, his eyes just grew darker and darker. "They didn't have the same chance because they were fucking murdered before they even figured out what they wanted to do or be in life. They were murdered for no reason, and my punishment was watching it all and having to live with that shit knowing those two wouldn't have been there if I wasn't there. You didn't need to know those details! You knew that I was there, and you knew that I was hurt by that night. The level of hurt shouldn't have mattered."

"You're right," I admitted, but that was all I managed to say before he cut me off.

"I know I've done and said shit that made you think about your past, but at least those times were unintentional. You purposely brought up my worst memory and used it to purposely hurt me. Well, it worked, and I can't look at you the same anymore because I was falling for you too! But guess what? If you actually loved me, you wouldn't have done that. I would've never brought up your dad! I would've never brought up the dark path you went on after your relationship with your ex. I would have never!" he yelled at me. "How the fuck am I supposed to be in a relationship with someone I can't trust telling my weaknesses to because she'll use it in the next fucking argument?!"

I tucked my trembling bottom lip into my mouth as more tears streamed down my cheeks. My chest ached so much, and even my throat felt tight. I was at a lost for words because he was absolutely right. I wouldn't wanna be with a person like that either.

"This whole time, I've been playing this shit safe—the whole tracking down the threat thing. I was playing it safe because I wanted a future with you. I wanted to live to see the vengeance we'd get for your dad and to see that I kept my family safe. Before you, I didn't give a fuck if I survived, as long as my folks were safe and set for life, I'd just go in and get shit done. Instead, I've been holding back and stretching this shit out because you made life worth fighting for," Azias sniffled. "And I hate that right now I just wanna cuddle you because I'm still fucking in love with you, but I can't! I can't!"

I cried, "It's okay. I hate me too!"

Azias sat up and wiped my tears as he shook his head. He explained softly, "I don't hate you. I could never hate you. That's what makes it worse." He looked at his hand, the one that had been wiping my tears, and huffed to himself as he tucked it away. "I hate myself for letting you get this close. I hate myself for thinking I could finally have happiness. Worst of all, I hate myself because I know I have to let you go, and I don't want to."

I wanted to tell him that he didn't have to— that we could find a way to work this out. I wanted to tell him that I'd never stoop that low again or try to pick another fight with him, but I knew it would all be pointless. Even though he didn't wanna end things with me, he was persistent in keeping things that way, and that was my punishment for life. I fucked up, and that was on me.

I sniffled, "I'll have my bag packed in 30."

A/N: Oof 🥴 Trouble in paradise!