Changed. Bucky x OC

.Barely.

Bucky's perspective.

A week later.

I've been really worried about Via. 

I am barely getting through this myself. I don't want to do anything I feel like there is no point. Our baby is gone. And there is nothing I can do. I can't work and take my mind of it cause I don't work. I can't find a solution and get the baby back. All I can do is watch my wife, or at least what seems to be left of her.

And she is not even getting through this. I've held my grief back I am trying to be strong for her. She has let it consume her. She sits there all day all night. Staring out the window at the city. Occasionally laying her head down on the bed.

I don't think she has stopped crying since we got back from the hospital. Sometimes she will be crying hysterically usually when she is having more cramps. Other times she is just whimpering. 

I know she hates being pitied, I know she isn't helpless she just feels like it. Like she could have done something. 

She still got her hair in the double braids I did before we went to bed that night. Before the hospital. She is still wearing the shirt that she was sleeping in that night too. Hasn't dared to move from that bed not even to change. 

She is hardly eating. A couple of bites of toast here and there. 

I miss her, even though she is in the bed next to me her brain is so far away. I know her, better than anyone she is getting in her own head, blaming herself. Running the entire pregnancy through her head picking out what she could have done differently so this wouldn't have happened. But it did happen.

Via's perspective.

I feel like I am just moving in slow motion, I can't feel any of my body expect for the cramps reminding me that my baby is gone. I don't know what to do with myself. 

One day I was pregnant researching about what to expect, cute baby clothes and the next I was lying in bed bleeding out with my child. I feel useless. Before I had a purpose I was growing a baby, but I failed and now it's gone. 

HYDRA has ruined my life in so many ways, and I wish I could blame them for this. It would make it easier. There would be someone responsible. Someone to be held accountable. Someone I could take my revenge out on. But It's nobody's fault. Just mine.

I keep thinking what I could have done. Maybe if I had gone to the doctor earlier about my morning sickness, or stayed in bed the entire time. I remember when I didn't know I was pregnant I took some pain killer. Could that be the reason why my baby is gone, why I lost it?

I keep clutching my stomach, not that I had a large baby bump before. It just feel comforting. Almost like if I keep holding my stomach I can protect it. But there is nothing to protect. Because it's gone. 

I have to say that sentence over and over again. Reminding myself that there is no baby. 

I know Bucky is worried, he always worries about me too much. I can tell he is trying to be strong for me, trying to make me feel better. I don't think anything will at the moment. 

Right now we are lying in bed, I am on my side starring out the window. Bucky is behind me spooning me. 

"I'm sorry" I finally manage to get words out of my mouth, it's been like a week. 

"What?" He mumbles in his sleepy state.

"I am sorry" I repeat. 

"You have nothing to be sorry for doll, this is not your fault?" He sits up and faces me now. 

"Yes it is, I thought this was finally our break from HYDRA but instead I fucking ruined it. I got to comfortable and relaxed" 

"No babe, we were both trying to be less anxious which is the right thing to do. It's not anyone's fault, sometimes these things just happen"

"Are we gonna be okay?" I ask. 

I read somewhere that a lot of couples after loosing a baby split up. 

"What? why would you say that?" He looks at me with concern. 

"I just I can't handle loosing you too, I am barley handling this I need you" I sob into his shirt. 

"You won't loose me, I love you and I am not going anywhere" He says placing a kiss on the top of my head. 

"Promise?" 

"I promise, the only way out of this relationship is in a body bag" I chuckle.

"Te iubesc atat de mult" (I love you so much) I say

"Și eu te iubesc babydoll" (I love you too) 

_______________________________________________________________

A Few moments later (SpongeBob voice).

I get up after my nap and walk into the kitchen. Getting out of the bedroom since the first time we got back. I feel a little better after my conversation with Bucky. Knowing I have him is something but I am still feeling numb. Like I am watching I really sad dog movie and all I wanna do is cry and hold myself. 

"Hey" Bucky speaks softly. Talking to me like I am a deer who will run once they hear a twig snap. 

"Hi" I respond. I lean myself against the island bench and Bucky looks out the window. 

"You doing okay?" 

Oh yeah I am fucking awesome just dandy thanks for asking. 

Instead of choosing the bitch answer which is so tempting I opt for a shrug. We stand there in silence looking around the place. 

"I never realised how much I wanted kids till I saw the positive pregnancy test" I say breaking the silence. 

"Me neither" 

"I just, I want kids I know this know and apparently it's a big want. But I think I need to wait before we try to have a kid?" 

"Okay, whatever you want. Whenever your ready just say the word" 

I nod and keep looking around the room. Bucky goes to the higher shelves which I can't reach and don't really look at. Pulling out a glass and a bottle of what I think is bourbon. 

"What are you doing?" I ask quietly. 

"Getting a drink" He responds not looking up.

"Can I have one?" I ask. 

"You don't drink?"

"I don't know, I've never drunk before. I was underaged before HYDRA and then just didn't bother now. But I kinda want one"  

"Okay" He shrugs and pushes the glass across the bench to me. 

I pick the cup up with the brown liquid in it. I sniff it trying to imagine what it will taste like. I take a small sip. I feel it burn my mouth and down my throat. It has this weird feeling afterwards though I feel relaxed. I chug the entire thing in one mouthful and swallow. Finally feeling something other than sadness. I push the cup back down the bench towards Buck. 

"Another" 

A/N.

Sorry this is a short chapter, It is very sad to write about this stuff. I myself have never had a miscarriage but have close friends and family members who have. If anyone caught the Gilmore girls reference good on you high praise from me. Luke Danes is relationship goals. I hope you enjoyed the chapter.