Jai Brooks is my Hero

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Jais POV

We were all back at Abbie's watching movies, me Luke beau and her. We we're watching saw.

" I need to pee, be right back" I told them.

" hurry up because I'm shutting myself and Linda is in the shower so use my toilet" Abbie told me and I just laughed and nodded.

I walked into her room and went to pee. When I left I dropped my phone and it had sort of rolled under her bed.

" shit" I cursed. I went to pick it up, preying that it didn't crack, she had a carpet so it should be okay is what I thought.

I peeked under the bed and reached in trying to grab it. My arm caught a box causing it to dig into my arm and flip over, papers falling everywhere. I picked up my phone and then all the papers.

I sat on the bed with the box and shuffled all the papers neatly and as I went to place them back I noticed the first line on the paper on top was " dear Whitney" who the fuck is Whitney.

Then I looked through the others and saw letters to a Joshua, Lewis and her mother and father. There were also other papers. My eyes scanned through one of them.

' I feel like shit and I hate myself so much. Since I've moved here I've met some incredible people but why can't I be happy? I can't cut anymore, for them and the whole Marker pen thing was a disaster so I'm writing it all down.

Sometimes the only way out seems to be death and that's what i want... Well what I wanted... Then I met Jai and'

I stopped reading. I felt relief that she wasn't cutting but upset that she felt like this. When was this written? Is all I could think. At least she didn't want to die so much now she knew me.. But I shouldn't have read it.

I put the papers back and was about to leave the room when the door opened.

" going for a shit?" Abbie laughed.

I sighed.. I couldn't lie.

" abs.. Don't get angry okay?"

She nodded looking worried.

" I dropped my phone under the bed and knocked all these papers everywhere and kinda saw what they say, well not all of them" I said extra quick.

" oh.." She didn't seem mad. " I wrote them weeks ago Jai.. I still feel like that sometimes but not much" she explained.

" you're not angry" I asked, puzzled.

" I would have rather that you hadn't seen them but no secrets should be kept from each other. The letters to my mum dad and the other people were like closure. The girl and the two boys were the bullies" she sighed.

" I didn't read them, only some of one of the feeling ones..." I told her and she smiled.

" go ahead and read the letters" she sat beside me.

" what? "

" I want you too. It will be good for me to tell someone." She grabbed the box from under the bed and handed them to me.

" what ones?" I asked

" Any" she replied.

I couldn't read the mother and father ones, that's too personal to her and as for the ones about how she feels, I didn't need to because I trust that she will tell me when she feels like this now and that that is in the past like she said it is so I just read the other three to Whitney, Joshua and Lewis.

As I read through them I felt anger and sadness rush through my body. How can someone be so carless? How can a guy hit a girl without feeling guilty.. How can he hit a girl in the fucking first place. When I read that she put how they made her feel I felt myself feel her pain, obviously no where near to the extent she felt it.

At the end of the letter to Whitney I saw that Abbie had put "

I'm not going to be as bad and wish you unhappiness, instead I wish that you go back to being the old you and maybe one day forgive yourself for all you done the way I'm forgiving you now.
Thanks whit, for everything.."

In my head I thought how could she forgive her and thank her after all she did? But then I realised, that's just Abbie for you. She has the kindest yet the most broken heart a going. I planned on fixing it.

I finished reading and looked up pulling her into a hug.

" you're amazing, you know that?" I told her

I felt her smile into my chest.

" if i knew these two guys I would find them and show them what happens when you hit girls" I told her

" it's fine, you wouldn't have to! They aren't worth it , right?"

" right!" I agreed. " are you going to send these letters off?"
I asked.

" nah, I'd rather keep them to myself. It just felt good writing them" she shook her head.

" oh well promise me you'll tell me exactly how you're feeling in the future? Kinda like I'm the paper and your the pen" I laughed at my simile.

She stuck her pinky finger out and I laced mine with hers. " I pinky promise" she told me smiling while looking into my eyes.