NINE TIME MACHINES: Do you want to undo your entire life on planet earth?

CHAPTER 57

Reading those letters makes me want to rise above what has become my life. And the only place that allows me to do that is the rooftop. But I don't want to be up all night tortured by my thoughts, the way it always happens when I set them free to dance in the rain. So I open the bottle and pop enough pills to make me fall asleep like clockwork. Then I prepare a hot cup of sugar tea and grab six more biscuits.

Once atop the roof, two things always happen. I stare out at the turquoise blue ocean and get renewed strength to continue. But now the dark moon has turned the ocean red, and it will be like that for seven days. I look over the edge and feel like jumping. Then I think of the pain and draw back. There are so many possible outcomes, the worst of them being that I end up crippled. Just the thought of it is more than enough to deter me. No matter what people say, there are worse things than death. We may learn to cope with them but it doesn't mean we're willing to fool ourselves about the reality of our situation. So don't lie to us about our own pain. Whisper sweet nothings in your own ears, if you must; just stop being politically correct about what feeds on our souls. It's the truth that will set us all free, not your frosted lies and empty promises. Leave us with our truths, bitter though they may be. Inhale. Exhale. Just let us breathe.

Like right now. If I speak my truth, I'll tell you that I want to jump off this building. But I might also add that I want to see new tomorrows, perhaps in other worlds. And if the reflection of the water on these cave's walls will just stop beating its silent drum – the one only like minds can hear, I'll grab that time machine and take off. Then I can be here, there and everywhere. And when I'm done with my gallivanting, I can find my way back from Freedom Corner. That's where Lily will be waiting, to see my two selves reunite and save this chaff from the wind.