NINE TIME MACHINES: Do you want to undo your entire life on planet earth?

CHAPTER 181

Standing at the farthest end of my new prison, I fully understand its familiarity. This is Fantum's hole. And if it really is, then why did the Dream Killers lead me here? Am I in the wrong building after all? No, I'm not. I'm sure of it. My intuition says I'm in the right place, just not the right room. Then why is this drumming in my ear telling me to run out by any means necessary? Am I just in a hurry to escape, so I'm not thinking straight? Everything in me wishes I can burn this building to the ground, steal power from the maze, leave my possessions behind and run for the hills, to that thing I believe is better. But it can't be this building I feel that way about. Its emptiness holds no real memories for me. It is Leer Island I've been trying to escape. I see it as a deep dark well, a hole with three obstacle-ridden levels which makes takeoff impossible. But I can escape it. All I need is a ladder tall enough to free me from this rotten place.

Then it dawns on me that this rotten place was the one Ebony ran to when everyone turned against her. There must've been something about Leer Island that led her back here, other than the exchange rate. And I think I found it too, after she died. Despite the madness, there are places that still lend me a comforting shoulder to cry on. Or did she return for a man? Is my father here in Leer Island? Was I conceived here? Had she left her Pete behind for a life of stardom? Is that what she was going to tell me on my eighteenth birthday? So many unanswered questions; so little time left. What I do know is that the further you go into the prison, the deeper the well, the more the maze becomes a hall of mirrors.

I have been consumed with hatred for Leer Island for so long that I can't even remember the kiss of its morning sun, the relative freedom of its people to move about, that Hazel's angels live right around the corner waiting to share their food with the innocents, that Father Paul took it upon himself to pay my bills until I found a job, and that Matron Caine broke the Bunny House's rules to accept only working women or students, of which I was neither at the time. Maybe appreciation can be my key out this prison. If hate has kept me trapped here all these years, I can flip it and let love be the key to set me free. That can be my elixir of truth. I can love myself, love this place that saved my mother and me, love the Bunny House that kept me safe for four years, love that Pete showed me where his loyalty lies, love the Madawaurian Copper who pushed me out of what I thought to be the perfect job and on to my spiritual journey, and even love that my skin is a defense against those who take others at face value; until all that love builds me a ladder that extends to wherever I need to climb to.

But not just yet. I need a moment to digest everything before I set the countdown timer. One must never be too hurry to escape any place. We must absorb the essence of each lesson life throws at us. That way we can gather what we need to stop repeating cycles. Inhale. Exhale. Just one last deep breath before I press, to keep my mind steady for the journey.

Now I can leave. I think I'm ready now. I know I'm ready now. And to prove it, I turn my feet around on purpose. As I do, my picture becomes the three hands on the clock. It spins backwards in celebration of what I have achieved up to this point. I imagine myself in the middle of the circle and set its three hands on twelve then one. Afterwards, I place my left foot forward, lean over to assume the stance, and push the button. See you on the other side.

"...13...12...11...10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...0."