NINE TIME MACHINES: Do you want to undo your entire life on planet earth?

CHAPTER 198

Standing back in the hallway, what was once the right side becomes my left. I count the number of wrong rooms I had entered and realize the last door holds the thing I want most. But for some reason I am no longer in a hurry. I take my time getting to what I am certain is the door to my freedom. Inhale. Exhale. With each footstep, I stop to inhale and exhale so I can be my calmest self. The Mary I want standing before that door is not the one Ebony created, the unloved child she kneaded into someone she could tolerate. Neither am I the Mary who I pretended to be when Ebony died and I got access to the prison key. Inhale. Exhale. I am the Mary who knows how to humble myself along a treacherous journey to unearth a treasure I hid from my own self, a treasure mapped out in the blood of my ancestors that no drifter from a strange land can ever possess.

Come walk with me as I journey from here to there. Feel the time machines like soldiers on my forehead, the nine jewels that make up my crown. See the witches waving wands on the darkest night, to lead me towards a purified sun. Smell the triple fragrance as it sprays all over my new life. Its scent travels here, there and everywhere. Hear the angry waves, the talking drums that speak my baptismal name. They shout 'Mary-the-Great' without letup. Does the salt of their confidence land upon your tongue? Then taste the richness of the fear sliding down my throat. Swallow impossibility down with me. Make time your puppet. Bring yourself to ground zero. Erase all your colours. Let them race back from their mud of cohesion. See all your nightmares as distinct from the other, broken pieces suspended for analysis.

Now let them spiral and observe yourself, the way you repeat the cycle of gloom and doom. Come stand before this door with me. Inhale. Exhale. Assume authority over all worlds. Inhale. Exhale. Become the skeleton key that unlocks all doors. Inhale. Exhale. Now knock on it three times, once for you, the other you in the mirror and the one who wants to come out and play. Let her show you how to reset your clock, to go from spurts of happiness to waterfalls of prosperity, to milk every ounce of opportunity from your disasters, and turn your feet around on purpose. Come unstuck from the glues of trauma. Extend your left hand and press zero; zero; zero; zero; zero with confidence and completeness. Now give all your enemies a standing ovation, the thorns that animated to nip and pick at your dreams at every turn. See them disappear as you adjust your lens. Archive the past. Move on from mediocrity and plant your feet on the path that stretches forward to greatness. Now quiet your thoughts so that I too can have my moment of silence.

The serpent slithers away and the door becomes a great old oak tree in an enchanted forest. There stand my four friends, the nylon, the stick, the wind and the intruder. The three join the serpent, and all four bow to me before leaving. I am alone with the intruder, the Rubrum from my crazy dream, the one who stood on the left of the throne. I take three deep breaths before I am ready to speak; then I set all the words free.

"Mary Pethiel, repeat after me," I shout at the oak tree. "Greatness is a copper horse and I am its rider. There'll be no more self-hate. No more regrets, no blaming, no subdued hatreds or self-pity. No more cowering in a corner waiting for rescue. No more inhaling to keep myself calm. Now is the time for exhalation and war. This is my moment to shine. I am ready for greatness!"

When I'm finished, the Rubrum flips his staff as if in approval that if not everywhere, I had at least made it to here and there along my journey. Then he pounds the staff on to the ground, like he did before and the timer goes off. Inhale. Exhale. Am I finally now going to be everywhere?