NINE TIME MACHINES: Do you want to undo your entire life on planet earth?

CHAPTER 188

My foot touches the next step and, as I walk down, an invisible hand etches familiar rooms on my left and right. It's almost as though the walls are a two-way mirror. And everything is grey here. Something seems to be sucking the colour out as soon as it is drawn. A voice calls me into the first room on my right. But I'm not sure what to do. Would I be walking through a wall or a door? I push open the door and enter to find out. There is a large bucket of potatoes on a table, along with a knife. As I'm looking at them, a steel door slides in the wall. It reveals two compartments, one labelled air and the other fire. I get the sense that either one will be my reward for a job well done. Fair enough! I can do with some air anyway. One can never tell when my oxygen will run out down here.

I settle in to peel the potatoes. It takes forever but I eventually finish. I position myself before the open door now, waiting to collect my air. The compartment labelled fire cracks open. There's one grain of match inside and nothing to scratch it on.

"Who the hell would come up with something this silly?"

"You have five seconds to exit the room before it explodes," the hidden voice says.

I am tempted to give it a piece of my mind then decide against it, the word explode having further sunk in. A door on my left swings open as I near it. So I enter hoping for better results – the throne maybe, anything more than a useless stick of match after a mountain of effort.

This time there's just a broom leaning against the wall, its only companions a family of happy leaves frolicking around in what's left of my air. The same rewards wait in the already open door. I get through the task quickly, hoping that this time my efforts will be appreciated. Again, the fire compartment opens. All I see are three candles; red, white and black, the same colours I always light for Lily. Now what in the hell am I going to do with three candles and a useless grain of match? This craziness has got to stop or I'll have it out with the throne master when we meet. I am about to scream out in frustration but remember something crucial. If that five second thing still applies, I'd better get out of here and worry about unfair treatment later. What I am hoping is the last door I have to enter, takes its time opening up. There's red punch splashed across the walls and floor. No wonder I'm not getting my just due. I'm being stiffed in the place where all the money is. And for some reason it's taking me longer than usual to clean up the Madawaurian Copper's mess, the mess she always spilled on my desk. Hopefully, this doesn't involve her walking in because, right about now, committing murder beneath the earth is something I might enjoy.

The fire compartment busts open again. And this time there's nothing. After all that hard work, I get nothing? Nothing!

"Ahhh!" I finally let it out.

"Yes, Mary! Scream! Shout at the top of your voice. No one will hear because no one cares."

"You!" I turn around enraged, ready to face the voice in battle then instantly draw back.

"What? You're not into naked men? Let me put something on then. Not!"

"God dammit! Just get it over and done with!"

"Maybe a change of scenery might help."