NINE TIME MACHINES: Do you want to undo your entire life on planet earth?

CHAPTER 81

Ruby does the hungry dance when she sees me. I drop one flake in then unbutton my jacket and pull my pants down. The bright yellow panties stand out against my dark grey skin. I unclip them and take a whiff. Hmmm, still smells good to me. I dodge the extension hanging from the ceiling and hang my things up for the next day. Should I? My phone reads just about forty percent. Maybe if it gets a full charge now I can put an hour or two in later. No Name Yet has been staring at me for quite some time. Or perhaps I should focus on The Third Trial tonight and let No Name Yet brighten my lunch hour? It's a tough call. No sense getting all steamy and having to walk back into work unsatisfied, right? I pull the chair across and put my phone to charge. Then I tie the curtains, plonk down on to my bed and force myself to look.

What do you see in the mirror when you stare at yourself? Most days – the days I dare to look for long – I see a confused statue unsure of where it belongs. My face always transforms from rough to smooth, once I dip into the tin and feel that blessed goo. But the rest of my body remains a grater, except, of course, for my palms and crotch. I stand now and zoom in on my middle section. Even with the camouflage on, my face can't compete. And thanks to my trusted wash cloth it will stay this way until I die.

I brush the back of my hands against my breasts. No wonder Pete chose her over me. Her skin looks so smooth in those strapless tops and miniskirts. I can't compete with that anymore than I can with these elite who surround me. Maybe in another lifetime, when Ebony was in her prime, they might've wished to be Mary-the-Privileged. God knows their insignificant little lives are nothing in comparison. The birthday parties where girls like these students and Tessa bowed at my feet are too many to number. I was royalty. Not just Leer Island royalty either. I was the envy of all thirty-three Karmic Islands. But now look at me. I mean really look at me; a girl who can't even contend with her own past. No wonder that other person in the mirror never shows herself.