Please Love Me

Chapter 15 - Maxon

"I-I don't know where to begin." I stutter really not knowing how to start. As much as I have thought this over and over it doesn't compare to the reality of the situation. How do I tell Madison Natasha threatened her and my mother therefore threatening me? Our child...

Her soft hand lands over mine and I glance down at them but a small finger under my chin has me meeting her beautiful storm colored eyes. "I know this is kind of cliché but what about the beginning? Or the kitchen scene..." her eyes drop down to our hands and her thumb runs up and down the back of my hand, "when you broke up with me."

I can't help but gulp especially knowing my shitty ass timing. How do I proceed with this? Shouldn't she tell me about our baby first? But she doesn't know I know.

Okay then, coming up with a mini plan I decide to stick to my side of the story and if she feels ready she'll tell me about our lost child.

My throat constricts with anger, sadness and grief but I take in a deep calming breath and begin where she said, "Madison...the day in the kitchen...it wasn't easy for me to do that."

She's quiet for a few moments and slowly peeks up at me. Tears line the edges of her eyes and I realize this isn't going to be easy for both of us. I slip out my hand from under her grasp and cup her cheek. "So why did you?"

I stroke her face softly seeing the fear and vulnerability in her eyes as she awaits my answer.

I swallow and clear my throat, glancing away as I begin, "When you flew out to California...I..." I take in another breath, "I was at the mall buying something. Something really important to me." I meet her eyes and watch as her brows pull together in confusion. Might as well confess about how I fucked up the two most important events in my life.

"I bought a ring, Madison."

"A ring..." her voice drifts off as realization dawns, "is it what I think it is?"

I nod, "I wanted to propose to you. During Christmas but you know how that went down. Not so well."

Her eyes widen as I continue, "I was just leaving the jewelry store when Natasha—of all days—saw me holding the ring and obviously she connected two and two together. She..." I exhale a shaky breath, "she threatened me Madison. By threatening you and my mother she threatened me." I feel her completely freeze in my body and what seems like shock and fear pour over her features.

Worry and fear immediately take over, "Madison, Madison, Mi Amor," I hold her against me and feel her breath begin to pick up and her heart racing.

"I need to leave."
My stomach drops as she pushes against me and stands on two wobbly legs.

I stand up after her, "Madison..."

She stumbles out of the room and terror unlike I've ever known takes over my body leaving me feeling almost numb. Did I go too far too soon? I'm not sure how she's been coping with the loss of our child and was afraid this would be too much for her but...

I walk after her and just as she's closing the door to her room I hold her to me.

"Madison, Mi Amor," she looks pale and her eyes have a glazed appearance to them.

She's in shock.

I walk us over to the bathroom, clothes and all and turn on the water. I'm not sure what else to do right now and pull her to me as the water sprays over us. Immediately she gasps out and wraps her arms around me.

"Maxon..." she moans out my name and pushes her body against mine.

"Mi Amor, mi Amor, look at me. Look at me."

Hair plastered against her face she meets my eyes, her cheeks flushed with a rosy pink tint.

"It's okay. Everything's okay."

She pushes at me but I remain in place, knowing she didn't do it hard enough to hurt. "Nothing about this is okay Maxon! Nothing! She-I- she took everything away from you! From me! From us!"

She sinks down then not caring about the water plastering her clothes against her skin and I sink down with her, seeing the weight of the world sitting heavily on her shoulders.

"My baby..." she whispers so softly I almost don't hear her but I do. "Madison, is there something you need to tell me?" I rasp out wanting her to tell me, to confide the tragedy to me to help her bear her burdens but she shakes her head back and forth incessantly not allowing me in. I cup her face to stop her, "Mi Amor,"

"Maxon, this is—I—now it's my turn to think. I need to be alone please."

I kneel in front of her and lean over to kiss her forehead to which her body full out shudders.

"I'm not leaving, you here me? I'm not leaving you alone Madison. We'll deal with this together." I voice letting her know she doesn't have to do this alone.

"I-Maxon..."

"Tell me Madison, I need to hear it."

A mix of realization, surprise, and shock flashes across her beautiful features and I know she gets it. What I'm urging her to say, "You...you know?"

My face tightens as I feel emotion building up heavily in my chest. I whisper, my voice sounding so broken, "I want to hear it from you."

She shakes her head, "No. It'll only break the both of us even more and—"

"I told you what's breaking me. Now tell me what you've been carrying. We're a team sweetheart. Tell me, please."

She bites down on her bottom lip, body trembling and I pull her into my arms right there on the shower floor.

"I-I can't." She whispers and I pull her tighter to me. That seems to trigger something because the dam breaks free. A heart wrenching sob breaks out unlike one I've ever heard before and my heart aches as she confides, "Maxon...I lost our baby. I lost..." her sobs come out so strongly it shakes her entire body. "I couldn't, I lost our beautiful baby."

Tears drip down my face as her cries sound across the entirety of the bathroom my own heart throbbing at what I now see is the sound of a mother grieving the loss of her child. Her unborn child.

I feel useless. Knowing I can't offer her words of comfort other than being there for her hoping she understands I won't leave her. Not ever, ever again. Nothing and no one will tear me apart from her.

I press a soft kiss to the side of her head as my tears drip onto her head.

Her small hand lands over my chest and she grips me tightly, digging her nails and twisting my shirt. I don't even think she realizes she's doing it but I don't mind the slight pain. It's nothing in comparison to the agony I'm feeling inside. That she is feeling inside.

We stay like that, right on the shower floor with water pouring over us.

It seems fitting since it encompasses where our relationship is in life. Secluded off in the corner, away from the world and it's drama, wallowing and drowning in what seems a never ending fountain of misery.

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Okay guys this has got to be one of the saddest scenes I've ever written. God I have no words 😢 tell me, how did you feel about it? Feel free to comment an emoji.

Also, will they continue the talk or will Maxon wait until Madison is ready to hear the full of it?

Keep reading to find out!

Ps. Trauma is very real and painful. It pops up at the most unexpected times and most of the time we don't realize we are even traumatized. I recently discovered that I'm dealing with past traumas and my anxiety is part of it. This is also why this book series is very special to me. It portrays some of what I've gone through in one or another 🙂