Hopelessly Devoted

Chapter 4: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Alyssa Jacobs for the most part considered herself a good person. She volunteered. She helped old people with their groceries. She loved all animals. She conducted herself, for the most part, in the hospitable ways of a true southern belle confirming her deduction of herself. She didn't have any family or close friends to confirm this conclusion, however, but she believed it nonetheless. 

When she was a kid, she went above and beyond every avenue in hopes of getting adopted. She was the well-mannered child which was not common at St. Michael's Orphanage. Alyssa just wanted to do what she felt was best to get a family to call her own. As she got older and realized it hadn't worked, she just tried harder.

When she was a teen, she smiled and put everyone else's needs before her own. People pleasing was second nature to her in further attempts of being seen as worthy of love and affection. When she aged out of the system, Alyssa realized being good wasn't the issue. She was.

She focused her energy on just being the type of person that she could love fully because no one was going to do it for her. She had spent her entire life alone and that hadn't changed.

She began to believe it never would and that was okay because she knew from various stories and tv shows that she'd rather be alone than surrounded by people that left her lonely.

Yes, Alyssa believed she was a good person but she also believed in karma. She wasn't sure what she did in her past lives to have the upbringing she did but she knew it was rough.

She wanted to do everything she could to ensure that her adult life would be good and made strides to live in a way that she could be proud of. It took some years and therapy, but despite being alone she knew she wasn't in fact lonely. She had come a long way from the little black girl that was bullied by fellow orphans and even some nuns as a child.

Though it had just been her since the beginning, as her mother died giving birth and her father was unknown, she took solace in the fact that she was resilient. For the longest, her origin story weighed heavy on her like a ton of bricks but she learned to smile through it.

Her story shaped her in such a complex way, but she was done with the pity parties expected of someone like her. It took some time, but Alyssa was finally done with the notion that the nuns at the orphanage sold her. She knew her life wasn't grand or perfect, but it was hers. It did not look the way it had simply because it was some sort of inevitable fate.

Alyssa believed you created your own destiny and she was doing just that now as a young adult. She was taking life by the horns and making it her bitch. At least that was what she was trying to do as she stood in the kitchen of her newly purchased home.

Alyssa had moved from Grand Prairie, Texas to Austin in hopes of a much needed fresh start. There was nothing keeping her in Grand Prairie and she had saved up enough to start a life she could truly be proud of. As she looked around her, she realized that pride was the furthest emotion.

The exterior of the home was as deceiving as a snake near a garden hose. The pictures online were beyond picturesque and when she came to view the home it all seemed to match. The self-led tour was everything she hoped for. This was her dream home and for a steal. A steal she soon realized was not a good thing.

Alyssa hated that she didn't have the right mind to try any and every one of the appliances and amenities while touring. She realized that she hadn't really dug around to get a better feel for the home and just went off of looks at the end of the day. One of her many real mistakes.

She just knew she wanted to get out of Grand Prairie. Things had happened in her past that called for a quick exit and she was ready to make that happen by any means necessary, even if it meant judging a book by its deceiving cover.