Hopelessly Devoted

Chapter 54: American Beauty

Alyssa hated this. She couldn't believe how nervous she was. She also couldn't believe how terrible at hiding phones Keisha was. Alyssa woke up with a headache which was becoming normal whenever Gaia was in charge and had any liquor nearby. What she hadn't noticed until later was her phone on the pillow beside her.

She immediately went to her call log and thanked God she hadn't called either of the guys, but then she thought of texts and freaked. Gaia sent one text in a group message to the brothers. It was simple and to the point.

Gaia: We need to talk. Tomorrow at 3pm. My house.

It was a good message. It was a message that needed to be sent. She just didn't know if she was up for the task. It was currently 2:45pm and they'd be there any minute. Alyssa wanted to be bold like Gaia. She wanted to be kick ass like Colson. Hell, she'd even settle for sweet and innocent like Raja.

But she wasn't any of those things. The more she paced her living room the more Alyssa realized she was a jumble of emotions and they each wanted out.

She didn't want to be a slave to her emotions, but she did feel they each deserved to be heard. That was what she truly wanted, to be heard. She wanted Mikhail and especially Matvei to hear all that she had to say.

She took a seat on the couch and just stared into her fireplace. She loved Matvei, but she loved him so much more for giving her his fireplace. She adored it. The fire burned brighter in it and spoke to a part of her she didn't even realize.

She heard the front door open and sighed. Alyssa was grateful they had the common sense to use their code and not have this awkward dance at the front door.

She heard their boots on the hardwood floor and smiled at how much she missed them. When they entered the living room it was as if all the air was sucked out. They just stared at one another as if they hadn't seen each other in years.

Matvei and Mikhail memorized her face for the thousandth time. It had been too long. They wanted her. They wanted to devour her. Most of all, they wanted to simply see her smile.

"You guys can sit." Alyssa spoke up after a while of cataloging their features. Matvei sat in the armchair beside the couch, while Mikhail sat next to Alyssa. He gave her space, but he wanted to just pull her into his lap and cover her face with kisses.

"Aly-" Alyssa shook her head. "Let me go first." Matvei looked at her and saw the resolve in her eyes. He nodded his head and prepared for her to end things with him. Why wouldn't she? 

"You hurt me." Alyssa began and Matvei felt like he was being skinned alive. "You said things to me that you knew would hurt me. Who does that? How can you say you love me and do that?"

He moved to speak but she silenced him with a finger. "I know that my mental history is a lot. I know that my alters are a lot, but they're a part of me. They make up who I am and as someone who claimed to love me, I expected for you to at least try."

Alyssa didn't want to cry, but the tears had a mind of their own and it wrecked both brothers. "You said you wanted all of me and when the truth came out you couldn't handle it. That's fine though, Matvei. You don't have to choose me and my baggage, but you could've at least cared enough to respect me."

She wiped away her tears and stared him in the eyes. "I can be honest with myself finally and tell you that your word doesn't really mean much to me at this point. I don't know if you want to pursue something with me or not, but if you do it's going to take a lot of work that frankly I don't think you're cut out for."

Mikhail could tell Alyssa's words were killing his brother. He wasn't even sure if Matvei was breathing at this point and it saddened him. "Lyssa, wait." He spoke up earning her attention.