Hopelessly Devoted

Chapter 50: Downfall

Alyssa smiled over Gaia's words in their shared journal. She wasn't sure how Mikhail's suggestion would work but it did. She remembered coming to and reading over Colson's words. He was always the wise no bullshitter of the group.

She wasn't expecting Gaia to forcefully takeover or utilize her time in control to write. But she had. She wrote a lot and each sentence seemed to fix a rift that Alyssa acknowledged but didn't know how to repair.

Gaia had apologized for her many sexcapades. Alyssa didn't think she'd ever hear one, but it was heartfelt and came with explanations. Gaia was "born" from a traumatic experience like the others.

Her emergence had to do with sex and she felt that's all she was good for. She recognized how her behavior was damaging to Alyssa but also herself and promised to do better.

Alyssa laughed at her words, specifically her references to Mikhail and Matvei. She called them "Frick" and "Frack" and felt Alyssa needed to decide whether she'd be allowed certain liberties with them should they reunite or if she could seek entertainment elsewhere.

Alyssa knew other guys were out of the question, but she wasn't sure about her men. The more she thought about it the more okay she was with Gaia sleeping with them. She just didn't know how they'd feel on the matter. She didn't know if they even wanted her now that they had some time away to fully think on things.

The fact was Gaia was a different person. She'd be another player in their relationship. Colson was an asexual male that was irritated by everyone, so she didn't have to worry about him. Raja was five and Tobias...Tobias was a whole other story she wasn't ready to read. The other alters rarely came out. She didn't foresee them being a problem.

She looked up at the building she was parked in front of and sighed. This was the place that had caused her so much anxiety and despair for most of her life. The place that gave her the disorder that had shaped every facet of her life.

Gaia had convinced her to face her fears and demand answers. This was where she needed to be to get said answers. Each alter had their own story that was birthed in the orphanage. An orphanage that did not protect her or many other children, but rather did the opposite.

She was so afraid for so long and it caused her to behave in ways that may have cost her the loves of her life. Alyssa was done running. She was done hiding who she was and she wanted the people responsible to own up and admit wrongdoing.

As she looked at the orphanage sign she couldn't help but shudder. Gaia promised she'd be okay and that she and Colson would be ready for "whatever," but that she had to face this herself. She had to face her herself.

She looked down at her attire and snorted. Gaia said she needed to dress appropriately should the necessary occur, so leggings and a fitted tank with sneakers would do. 

She was ready. At least she told herself she was ready as the door to the orphanage opened. "You can do this, Alyssa. You just want answers. That's it." She took deep breaths before turning off her car and heading out.

As she walked in the smell of pine almost did her in. Instantly, memory after memory flooded her. The floors were the same. She'd remember that checkered pattern anywhere. She spent most of her time there looking down and praying to become invisible.

"Can I help you?" Alyssa turned to the front desk and was met with familiar wide eyes. "Alyssa Jacobs." Alyssa remembered this nun. Sister Philomena. She didn't participate in the abuse, but she never stopped it either.

"Hello, Sister." The nun seemed shell shocked. "W-what are you doing here?" Alyssa looked around feeling stumped. What was she doing there? 'Answers, hoe!' She almost chuckled. She wasn't sure how but ever since she came to terms with her alters and accepted them, various avenues were opening up for their dynamic to communicate.