“What's your plan, Ayell?”
I eyed my Kuya when I heard him asked me that. I took the seat next to him and crossed my legs. My eyes narrowed at him as it started scanning his outfit for today's event. Kuya was wearing a black plain shirt tucked into his black fitted jeans. He's also wearing the silver necklace that Mama gave to him in his twentieth birthday.
“I'll stick to my plan, Kuya. I'll leave this country. Two more weeks to wait and I'll fly to wherever I want to go.”
Kuya suddenly shifted his weight. Para bang may narinig siyang ayaw niyang marinig. Para bang may sinabi akong i-de-delete ko ang powerpoint presentation na ginawa ng sekretarya niya. Sinilaban ang pwet?
“You're seriously waiting for your needed paper's process?” He pushed his glasses (yes, he's wearing one for he's reading something) upwards and swear, I missed the other one who often do that. “You know that we can make it faster.”
I smiled gently. Si Kuya, parang tanga. Ah, tanga naman talaga.
“I promised to myself that I won't stand by our surname, Kuya.” Sumandal ako sa inuupuan at pinalawak ang ngiti. “I want to be successful as an ordinary Renaya Elle and not Renaya Elle Ravenna.” I snapped my fingers when I remember something. “And I am planning to use Mama's maiden name as well.”
“You can't do that!” he retorted with disbelief.
“Of course, I can, Kuya. Besides, she already permitted me to do that. Si Renaya Elle Kensons muna ako pansamantala.”
Kuya sighed in defeat. Ah, kailan ba sjya nanalo laban sa akin? Minsan lang naman. “Fine, do whatever you like, Ayell.”
“Aalis na ako two weeks from now. At gusto kong pagbalik ko ay nagtagumpay ka na sa paghahanap mo sa kaniya.”
Nanlaki ang mga mata niya kaya natawa ako. “Akala mo ikaw lang nakakaalam, huh? I'm not Renaya Elle Ravenna for nothing, dear brother.”
I stood up, kissed his cheeks and left him. He's still sitting there, eyes were wide open, lips are parted as he dug through his mind and ask himself how the hell did I found that one out? Pero tadaaa, it's a secret.
TWO WEEKS had passed and I was slightly shaking in excitement while facing the mirror. Ngayon na kasi ako aalis papunta sa lugar na kung saan ko sisimulan ang sinasabi kong pagbabago. Nae-excite ako sa p'wedeng mangyari sa lugar na pupuntahan ko. Pero may kung anong parte sa akin ang kinakabahan dahil ito ang unang beses ko na mapalayo sa pamilya ko.
I was never been the independent one. It's always been Kuya. Kuya was eighteen when he decided to move out. Noong una ay hindi siya pinahintulutan ni Mama. Si Papa ay go with the flow lang. Palagi lang naman. But Kuya is Kuya and he did everything he can just to prove to Mama that he can do everything on his own way. Nang na-prove na nga niya, that's when he finally separated himself from us for years.
While me on the other hand, kumakapit sa apelyido hanggang ngayon. Pero sisiguraduhin kong hanggang ngayon lang. Since I was born, I was more of depending on my surname. Matigas ang ulo, pero kapit-apelyido naman. Mahilig sa gulo, pero niyayakap pa rin ang apelyido. Ang laman ng ulo ko noon ay puro na lang, “Ah, Ravenna naman ako.” “My family will find ways. I am a Ravenna, dzuh?” “I was born Ravenna and that surname can get me myself out of the hellhole.”
Yes, I was that dependent on my surname. I told myself that I should never compare myself to Kuya. Pero 'di ba, hindi naman 'yon maiiwasan? Kasi iyan na, eh. That way kasi, sa comparing, through that, makakakita ka ng huge differences. Makikita mo ang posibleng aayawan at gugustuhin ng mga nasa paligid mo. Makikita mo ang wala ka na meron siya at wala siya na meron ka. And through that, you can fill the blanks.
BINABASA MO ANG
Guarding Thy Innocence ✓
AcciónGuard everything, but not thy innocence. - Damned #1 Ayell's *** Note: This piece was written back in my jeje era, so expect errors ( grammatical & typographical ) and other ka-jeje-han scenes and lines ( that sometimes, you would find disturbing. )
