💡🐇 Naughty Thoughts

⚤🕴️Chosen One

I imagine this as an anime series, but it could probably fit other formats. Slapstick fantasy, I guess.

In a fantasy world, it's well established that gods exist. They don't meddle in the world on a daily basis, but they do grant 'boons' and 'blessings' to their chosen ones. These all follow different rules; some have advantages and disadvantages that only the chosen would understand, and some blessings or gifts require a person to dedicate them totally to the service of their god.

One thing that's common is that a boon or blessing must be used. You must use it to benefit either yourself (directly or indirectly) or the church of that god at least once per lunar year. Failure to do so results in the blessing being withdrawn; the god can now pass it on to someone else.

A greater blessing is known as a boon. if you receive a boon, you become the Chosen One of that god. All their followers are required to support you according to international law. However, when a boon is withdrawn, the bearer will die. Someone so closely bound to a god's service can't simply change their mind.

In a particular kingdom, thirty young soldiers are chosen each year to petition the god of war, Hangrihammahad, for a blessing. There will be other people going to the cathedral on the same day, as Hangrihammahad is also the god of their city. So it turns out that an almost-competent trainee soldier called Piotr, his little sister Jenni, and his crush Lady Josephina are all going to the cathedral on the same day. It's the biggest honour of his life, and he's terrified of getting something wrong. Of course, most of the people petitioning their god don't get anything. But it's still a big ceremony with the eyes of the whole country on you.

A few days before the ceremony, Jenni gets her healer's license. So this is a place to explain to the reader that you can only have a blessing from one god at a time. Jenni now has to decide if she's going to beg the god of medicine, Moltrnnikal, for a blessing, or hope that the god of the city smiles on her. While she's trying to decide, Piotr sneaks in to offer her a good luck charm. But he's not supposed to be in the hospital, and ends up ducking through one door after another to avoid discovery. He thinks he's found somewhere quiet, where he won't be discovered, when he realises he's in the women's showers just as a group of valkyries come in. Facing brutal dismemberment, he hides in an unused locker and hopes they'll leave soon and he can get out of the building unseen. But he's out of luck; Josephina's hulking big sister Margueritte is here, and her blessing gives her the power to smell desire.

Piotr thinks he's dead, until much to his surprise he gets a blessing from god. A god, anyway. Mackervelnian, god of perverts and voyeurs, appears to Piotr and hands him a boon without any warning. The unique gift: he gets greater invisibility (including immunity to most common "detect invisible" spells and magical senses) as long as he has an erection. He manages to escape detection, and is really thankful, until he thinks more about the consequences. Because now he'll be turned away from the cathedral; the nuns who serve Hangrihammahad will know instantly if a petitioner has a gift from another god. And in this country, having a blessing and failing to use it for the good of the fatherland is a serious crime. Can he manage to convince them that his gift has no military use without actually admitting what it is? Will he be forced into being some kind of spy, and how would that work? Can he prevent Josephina finding out which god has made him a chosen one? What is he going to do about the devout seekers-of-knowledge camping out on his balcony and trying to watch him at all hours?

Turns out that a gift from god isn't always such a good thing.