💡🐇 Naughty Thoughts

꩜⚤ Aftercare

A more serious story than my usual fare.

The main guy is back in town for the holidays, realising just how much he's changed while he was away at college. He barely remembers his way around the old town anymore, and he hasn't spoken to any of his friends from school since he ran into a couple of them last Christmas.

While he's helping to clear the yard, he runs into someone he hasn't seen in even longer. Their next door neighbour; who used to be his best friend when they were little kids (young enough that a boy and a girl could be best friends, because they only had the vaguest idea that boys and girls were different). One day she just disappeared, and her mum too. There were rumours among the adults about where they went, but the kids never heard most of them; or if they did, he didn't remember most of something he was too young to understand. Her dad lived alone in the house next door for another year and a half, until the police came to take him away. By then, our protagonist might have had vague ideas about what the word "abuse" means, but it was still mostly a mystery to everyone. Meeting her again, so many years later, he realises that he didn't even know if she was still alive.

She tells him a little. That her mum worried about her, and took her away from that house for her own safety. They lived with different relatives, trying to stay somewhere that her dad wouldn't catch up. She had no idea why they were hiding from dad, it didn't make any sense to her, but eventually she began to form some ideas about what must have happened. She read a lot of true crime books in her late teens; and formed a mental image of what that old pervert might have done to her. She really doesn't remember any of it, but she knows it has to be true.

And now, after five years of senility exacerbated by alcoholism, her mum has died. Maybe she couldn't live with the guilt after having let it go on for so long; that's one worry. But now the daughter is back, trying to work out how much stuff needs clearing out of the house before she can sell it. It's a hard task; all her childhood toys are still here, stuff that brings back memories she thought were long gone. And her dad's stuff too.

Of course, our hero helps. He remembers some stuff too, and how well they used to get on. Those little memories are like treasures, when they find them. But there's things that worry him too. Like when they're clearing out the room and she stops to stare at a picture on the wall. Just an abstract image, maybe it meant something to someone. But she spaces out and stares at it, saying nothing and not even responding to what he was talking about. He has to shake her arm to snap her out of it. She says the picture maybe jogged a memory, but she couldn't remember what. She got lost in memory lane, reaching for something just out of sight. But he can't help worrying that there are some things she doesn't reality need to remember.

That night he has a dream. Of sneaking into the neighbours house to play some prank. He saw her then, playing with her dad. He didn't understand it at the time, and quickly forgot the whole thing. Maybe it was a childhood memory, or a memory that became a dream because he was too young to understand it. But he remembers her staring at that picture, eyes blank. She was doing something with her hands, something he couldn't see, while her dad told her exactly what to do.

He's curious. He wants to know if the dream was based on a real memory, or just something conjured up by his imagination after a day of thinking how that house used to look, and how much he'd missed her for years. Or maybe a memory of a childhood dream. He can't ask though, because if it was true it could have been somehow related to the stuff she was trying to forget. Still, eventually he decides that he wants to know. So the next time he sees her spaced out looking at a print of a spiral in a triangle, he says some words he remembered from the dream. A nonsequiteur ("Remember the pumpkin" maybe) that had seemed like some kind of weird joke. She doesn't ignore him like his previous suggestions. She stays spaced out, but her posture changes. More focused, standing up straight. And she answers right away "Ready to obey."

He assumes she remembers. That's how she answered in the dream as well. He thinks of it like some kind of joke at first; a family tradition that he's reminded her of. Or a joke they did as kids, that he's forgotten all about. So he gives some joke instruction, and she does it, and he tells her to act normally. He thinks she's joking. Until later, he asks her to refresh his memory, because it's clear she knows more of the context than he does. And she's completely confused: Not only she doesn't remember it from when they were kids, she doesn't remember him telling her to curtsey and do a twirl an hour ago. He can't believe it; assumes she's just embarrassed that she went along with a childish game, and he'll give her that.

But that night he has another dream. Same theme, but a different time. And this time he's sure that it was a real memory. Of seeing something, he's not sure what, and her dad being so angry. Threatening to kill him if he comes near her again. The kind of memory he could repress through fear, and the fear is real. He tries to remember more. And this time, he knows some of what he saw. He didn't understand it at the time, it was confusing and scary. So his memory is probably confused, but he's sure it's real. She was arguing; saying that she wanted to go to some event the school was hosting to raise money for a local charity. Her dad wanted her to do something (our hero doesn't remember), and she said no. She wants to have a life. Dad put a metronome in front of her, and told her to look. She refused, getting upset. Then he said that nonsense phrase, and she immediately turned to stare blankly at the metronome, and do exactly what her dad wanted (until the eavesdropping neighbour's kid interrupted).

This time, he starts to think it might be real. He asks her if she really doesn't remember saying "Ready to obey" the day before. She laughs it off, says there's no way she'd ever say that. He starts telling her what he remembered, but as soon as he mentions that phrase she responds the same "Ready to obey" and starts staring into space. He knows enough to recognise that this is some kind of hypnosis now; and can't believe he didn't recognise it before. He wants to help her now, so this time he asks her to tell him more about this. She doesn't know everything, but she can remember some things.

Dad was training her. Wanted her to be a perfect daughter; never misbehaving, eager to learn. Sounds so altruistic. But it didn't work like that; after the session, she finds that she is really aroused and doesn't know why. Asks if her friend has taken advantage of her while she doesn't remember.

They keep on trying, exploring her memories with the trigger, trying to find the truth. And she doesn't say much beyond occasionally asking if he did anything; but eventually admits that it's been turning her on feeling so helpless. She's been imagining what he could have done to her, and she wants to imagine that it's true. And the more he controls her, the more he pushes her, the better she sleeps. She's had odd phobias, difficulty sleeping, and OCD for her whole life. But after using that trigger, it goes away a little. She even looked up some stories about evil hypnotists. She's terrified and disgusted by what could have happened to her. But she finds that with a little effort, she found that by seeing it as something arousing, she can let go of the horror. It's like a new perspective. She just needs someone to replace her dad in the mental images; someone she can trust.

When he sees it's something she wants, our hero is slowly able to push it, taking more control. Making her obey him, and even making her do things that he wants. But he always makes sure she is okay afterwards, so she doesn't need to be afraid. And although it's a bit weird, hooking up with his childhood best friend in a situation like this feels natural, and makes both of them happy in the end. He has a slave, and life is pretty good. I guess the moral of the story is that just because you had a bad experience, you can't build something good on top of it.